The Life of a Steel Magnolia

Menu Plan.

2012-01-26T20:33:00.000-08:00

Prater Ellis & I have had a fun ((but SUPER busy)) week while the mister has been away on business... we are both oh-so ready for him to be home. I have felt "off" all week & I know it's because my bud isn't around & that really throws my bubble out-of-whack. Anywho, while he's busy taking a million flights back to us tomorrow, my little & I will be doing laundry, grocery shopping, getting the Benz's oil changed, picking up the house... all the things I have neglected to do this week opting to "play" instead. Here's the menu that I will be shopping for tomorrow.

Friday, the 27th, Supper: Poppy Seed Chicken with Green Beans & Sister Shubert Rolls

Saturday, the 28th, Lunch: Lightened Up Baked Crab Ragoon

Sunday, the 29th, Breakfast: Toast with Jelly, Bacon, & Scrambled Eggs

Sunday, the 29th, Lunch: Sandwiches with Chips

Sunday, the 29th, Supper: Marlboro Man’s Favorite Sandwich with Chips

Tuesday, the 31st, Supper: Slow Cooker Chicken Taco Bowls

Wednesday, the 1st, Supper: Slow Cooker Bacon Ranch Chicken Pasta & Sister Shubert Rolls

Thursday, the 2nd, Supper: Slow Cooker Cheesy Chicken Spaghetti with Garlic Knots

Friday, the 3rd, Supper: Penne Gorgonzola with Chicken & Garlic Knots
Saturday, the 4th, Breakfast: Pancakes
Saturday, the 4th, Lunch: Sandwiches with Chips
Saturday, the 4th, Supper: Taco Stuffed Pasta Shells with Mexican Rice
Sunday, the 5th, Breakfast: Cereal
Sunday, the 5th, Lunch: Sandwiches with Chips
Sunday, the 5th, Supper: Crispy Baked Chicken with Micro-Mashed Potatoes & Sister Shubert Rolls

Monday, the 6th, Supper: Chicken Parmesan Bake with Garlic Knots
Tuesday, the 7th, Lunch: Mexican Chicken Ring with Mexican Rice
Tuesday, the 7th, Supper: Slow Cooker Picante Chicken with Brown Rice & Sister Shubert Rolls
Wednesday, the 8th, Supper: Slow Cooker Taco Pasta

Thursday, the 9th, Supper: Chicken Nachos with Mexican Rice

Most of these recipes are new-to-me via Pinterest... I am looking forward to trying them & the hubby sure has enjoyed all of the new meals we have been trying as well as having yummy leftovers for work the following day. It is so easy for Pinterest to overwhelm me but I've taken some of The Mom Creative's advice & made my boards very specific & also created a "Completed Pins" board to move pins to once I have tried/completed them. I also try to only pin things that I really think I may use/cook/buy/etc. Otherwise, I get overwhelmed & it's no longer fun for me.

Hope all of y'all have a great weekend! I am looking forward to taking my honey to a new favorite restaurant, Marcy Jo's, visiting a new church, & spending time with family & friends! Happy almost Friday!

Where Life & Death Collide.

2012-01-24T22:52:00.001-08:00

Every time I open the door to Prater Ellis' nursery, I have a tiny millisecond flashback to the morning that I found Daddy - most likely moments after suffering a heart attack as a result of his organs shutting down in the night. A movie scene plays quickly in my head: I open the door & glance at the wall where his headboard was positioned - I notice his body is stiff & yellow, his eyes as wide as they could possibly get, & his body cold to the touch. Every single time I open the door - my heart skips a beat & I have to catch my breath.

It is such a ridiculously bitter-sweet moment. I wish, oh gosh how I wish, that my sister, Aaron, & I didn't have this memory: Chels crawled in to bed with him & we're standing beside him, squalling & screaming promises that we'll take care of each other, for him to not worry about us, & that we love him all while waiting on the ambulance to arrive to guarantee that he isn't in any pain as his precious life comes to an end.

But here's the "sweet".

Because of that moment, I count my blessings more than I count my misfortunes during the day, every day; I know all too well that life really can change in an instant.

Because of that moment, I hold Prater a little tighter when she cries for me; forever thankful that He makes "beauty for ashes" & that her lungs are healthy enough to scream when they want or need to.

Because of that moment, I don't worry about my sister nearly as much as I sometimes feel like I should; I was frozen in the front yard, afraid that I would be alone in the ambulance if he were to die on the way to the hospital - only one person could ride along & without hesitation, she jumped in - she's probably the strongest woman I know.

Because of that moment, I know without a shadow of a doubt, that I do not ever want to experience anything in this life without Aaron; he stood behind me, with his hand on my shoulder while I buried my head into Daddy's freckled arm, for hours, waiting & praying for the nightmare to end... & when it did, he leaned over & whispered in my ear that it was over, so over.

Just some things that have been weighing heavily on my heart for the past few weeks... Sometimes I feel like, for weeks, I need to write before I eventually do... It takes a lot out of me, I usually wind up squalling at my keyboard & exhausted, but I ALWAYS feel better after. Relieved even, as if I've been carrying the words around as a burden for weeks & getting to 'unload' here gives me renewed strength.

Renewed strength to know that even though I struggle daily with the balance of being happy with my new life while mourning my old life that he would tickle me silly (his preferred way of torture) for not enjoying every single moment of this new life...

I just miss him. It's been a year & 2 months now & I just miss him. I know some people probably grow tired of me talking about the whole ordeal or him or how much I miss him... But I guess another lesson I have learned in all of this is that, as a society, we are so bombarded with tragedies that we've become desensitized to those who continue to grieve their losses long after the hoopla of the visitation & the funeral. I want to challenge myself to be more sensitive to individuals' grieving processes, no matter the amount of time or relationship.

Every other day, while flipping through the mail as I walk back to the house from the mailbox, I come across his name & feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. I hear sad news about old family friends & the first thing I think of is "Don't forget to tell Daddy about that." Momma asks Prater Ellis if she's heard from her Daddy & I automatically think, "I haven't talked to Daddy today, I need to call him real quick." I hear Aaron opening & closing his chest-of-drawers (we are using Daddy's old bedroom suite now), flash back to living at home & think "Daddy's up, maybe he'll fix me some breakfast."

I'm not sure when it will all end, if ever. On one hand, I would like to open Prater Ellis' nursery door without thinking of his death... But then again, there cannot be death without life & if that helps me to hold his life & hers so precious & dear & memorable, so be it.

Mommy DIY.

2012-01-15T19:28:00.000-08:00

I have really enjoyed stepping out of my comfort zone & trying new things as Prater Ellis' mommy. If the Me of 3 years ago met the Me of today, she definitely wouldn't even recognize herself. During my pregnancy, I made some decisions to try a few things different from my norm & if they worked out, great, but if they didn't I would just be proud of myself for trying... thankfully, everything I have tried has worked (so far)!

Breastfeeding. As unsure as I was about the whole ordeal, I wanted to at least try... I thought, I've had these (rather large) inconveniences since Junior High, I would appreciate it if they at least worked the way God intended them to & if so, it would be nice to use a "natural resource" instead of having to buy Prater Ellis formula. If all the stars aligned & I wasn't too weirded out by the process, I would go forth & breastfeed. Thankfully, absolutely everything about breastfeeding has been a breeze for the both of us & we continue to enjoy it 4 months in.

These lovies have made mine & Prater's nursing lives more pleasant:

Maternity Baby and Me Nursing Gown, 2-Piece Set

Hooter Hiders Nest Nursing Cover

LilyPadz Silicone Nursing Pads

Medela Swing Single Electric Breast Pump

Medela Tender Care Lanolin

Boppy Bare Naked Pillow

Medela Disposable Nursing Bra Pads

Boppy Slipcover Emily's Garden - Pink

The Original Nursing Bra (Double Plus Style)

Cloth diapering. When my girlfriends started cloth diapering, I was highly intrigued & thought I would like to give it a whirl when the time came. I was super grateful when one of said girlfriends passed down her babe's grown-out-of cloth diaper covers & cloth wipes to me, only having to purchase the inserts (which I had a gift card for, hot dog!). Right now, we are using FuzziBunz Perfect Size (Small) diapers, Charlie Banana (Small) inserts while using this sprayer, I've been using this site to make my own cloth wipe solution & I have been super lucky that Arm & Hammer Liquid Detergent Perfume & Dye-Free laundry detergent has worked to clean them. When Prater Ellis grows out of these diapers at 18 pounds, I believe (I am still researching) we will switch to a bumGenius All-In-One.

Making her baby food. Because I love cooking mine & Aaron's food, I thought I would try my hand at making Miss Priss' food as well. This past weekend, we broke out the Baby Bullet (had a gift card for it too, woo hoo!) & so far, she loves her sweet potatoes for lunch & supper. I was able to prepare 44 servings (32 brown rice cereal, 10 sweet potato, & 2 avocado) in about 30 minutes for $1.79 - heck yes! I have gotten so much gratification from the process too!

DIY what I can. I would love for Prater Ellis to have a custom, themed outfit for absolutely everything... but it's just not reasonable to spend $40+ on a new outfit every week that she will, most likely, only wear once. So, when I can make her something myself, I want to at least try... I did just that for her Valentine's Day outfit & I am seriously smitten! I would go ahead & share, but I snagged some free photo card coupons & am planning to send her grandparents, aunts/uncles, & a few little friends V-Day cards so I don't want to spoil their fun, just yet. It was a fun project, cost me less than $3, & only took about an hour.

For someone who loved living inside her bubble, not coloring outside the lines, & holding a severe aversion to change, being Prater Ellis' mommy is teaching me that all change is not created evil & when bucking my norm I can be highly rewarded. How am I supposed to teach her when she's the one constantly teaching me?

Menu Plan.

2012-01-12T11:28:00.000-08:00

Every other Thursday, during Prater Ellis' morning nap, I sit down at our desk & do the following: balance our checkbook, pay our bills, plan our menu & grocery shopping list for two weeks. I've decided to start posting our menu plan because I know how much I love to find new recipes through others' blogs & in hopes that we can all share-the-wealth when it comes to easy, inexpensive, & fast menus that please ourselves & our families!

When we were first married, I did not menu plan & it was an unorganized mess: we were missing ingredients to make complete meals, we were not eating items before they were expiring, we were spending too much money on the groceries we were buying because there was no organized plan of what we would eat & when we would eat it. Obviously, we do not stick to our two week menu plan religiously - basically it is just a helpful tool for me to buy the ingredients for X amount of meals while also guaranteeing that we don't eat chicken nuggets with macaroni & cheese every night (our go-to college/comfort food). It has worked wonderfully for us.

(Binder that holds recipes that I find online/in magazines for safe-keeping.)

I print the following list off every other Thursday & post it on the side of our refrigerator for easy access.

Friday, the 13^th, Breakfast: Scrambled Eggs with Jellied Toast

Friday, the 13^th, Lunch: Sandwiches with Chips

Friday, the 13^th, Supper: Taco Soup

Saturday, the 14^th, Breakfast: Pancakes

Saturday, the 14^th, Lunch: Sandwiches with Chips

Saturday, the 14^th, Supper: Honey-Mustard Pork Chops with Easy Cheesy Potato Casserole & Sister Shubert Rolls

Sunday, the 15^th, Breakfast: Muffins

Sunday, the 15^th, Lunch: Sandwiches with Chips

Sunday, the 15^th, Supper: Lemon, Parsley, & Parmesan Chicken Pasta with Sister Shubert Rolls

Monday, the 16^th, Breakfast: Scrambled Eggs, Bacon with Biscuits & Gravy

Monday, the 16^th, Lunch: Sandwiches with Chips

Monday, the 16^th, Supper: We go to dinner at my in-laws every other Monday night

Tuesday, the 17^th, Supper: Crispy Baked Chicken with Micro-Mashed Potatoes & Sister Shubert Rolls

Wednesday, the 18^th, Supper: Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches with Curly Fries

Thursday, the 19^th, Supper: Chicken Nachos with Mexican Rice

Friday, the 20^th, Supper: Poppy Seed Chicken with Green Beans & Sister Shubert Rolls

Saturday, the 21^st, Breakfast: Muffins

Saturday, the 21^st, Lunch: Sandwiches with Chips

Saturday, the 21^st, Supper: We take my Aunt Jenny out to eat (restaurant of her choice) on the third Saturday night of every month

Sunday, the 22^nd, Breakfast: Cereal

Sunday, the 22^nd, Lunch: Sandwiches with Chips

Sunday, the 22^nd, Supper: Slow Cooker Tender Roast with Carrots & Potatoes, Macaroni & Cheese, & Sister Shubert Rolls

Monday, the 23^rd, Supper: Philly Cheese Steaks with Curly Fries

Tuesday, the 24^th, Supper: Slow Cooker Picante Chicken with Brown Rice & Sister Shubert Rolls

Wednesday, the 25^th, Supper: Slow Cooker Fiesta Chicken & Rice

Happy Thursday! Tomorrow is my honey's Friday off & Monday is a holiday for him, I am looking forward to a 4-day weekend with my two loves!

My Booboo.

2012-01-11T16:58:00.000-08:00

After showing signs that she was officially growing out of the phase, we began transitioning Prater Ellis into sleeping without being swaddled this week. The first night went wonderfully & she slept as usual; the second night, not so much. She did not want to be put in to her crib & would hold on to me with everything in her little 14.10 pound body... it was awful. Experts say that it usually takes a baby 3 nights to make this transition. On the third night, I wondered if she was scared, swaddles bring comfort to sleeping babies so I thought she may need a new comfort for sleeping.

Enter my Booboo. Booboo is a large stuffed animal that Daddy bought for me before I was born. I wondered if his size would remind her of being held & comforted so we put him in her crib - that baby slept from 8:00 until 9:00 this morning. Hallelujah!

I was practically giddy that Booboo helped my sweet Prater. I slept with Booboo from the night I came home from the hospital until I married Aaron (I actually tried to sleep with him after we were married, but Aaron insisted it was time for me to grow up). He has been on every vacation my family went on as a child, he's stayed with me in the hospital, he's been restuffed 4 times by my Aunt Jenny, he's been cried & vomited on... basically, he is my childhood.

I seriously hope that she becomes as obsessed with him as I am... I am already looking forward to taking him along with us as we travel to Georgia for Aaron's birthday in a few months. It'll be his second time to visit Babyland General!

Joy & Happiness.

2012-01-06T20:33:00.000-08:00

I am having one of those days where it would be really easy for me to be sad or host my very own pity party so I decided to remind myself of goodies that I am or have been finding joy & happiness in lately.

#1: My iPhone. I've had her over a year now & as much as I hate to admit it, that sucker is like an extension of my person. I love her, she loves me & together we rule the world.

B: Colbi Layne. I love that Miss Prater & I were able to go to lunch with my old friend Colbi last week while she was home for Christmas. I sometimes forget just how long Colbi & I have known each other, which is going on about 15 years or so now. She is just one of the best people on the planet - heart of gold, sweet & sentimental... she is about as good as they come. Not to mention gorgeous!

#3: Spring Holidays. I am so looking forward to Valentine's Day & Easter... I have a fun little craft I am going to try for making Prater a festive Valentine's Day onesie - if I am successful, I will share. If I am not successful, this conversation never happened. And I have already been looking for the perfect Easter Basket for Miss Priss, I want to get her a nice one that she can carry every Easter - I can't wait to fill it with more Veggie Tales DVD's, she LOVES them!

D: My Public Library. I have never been a reader of books. But since staying home with Prater I have gotten myself a library card & have thoroughly enjoyed visiting & checking out books & DVD's. They even have Veggie Tales DVD's for Prater Ellis! I cannot wait until she is older & we can attend some of the activities they plan for the community's children!

#5: Consignment Shop. I recently cleaned out my closet, serious business. If I don't LOVE it, it got the boot. I have taken many tubs to a local consignment shop & have made about $150, I love it! I love walking in to my organized & thinned out closet - I have been challenging myself to put together different outfits with the pieces that I kept.

F: Instagram. Oh how I love the filter effects & the ease of uploading to Facebook. Not that you could tell though, it isn't like I upload a picture ((or two or three)) a day...

#7: Weekend Getaways. We have been on quite a few weekend getaways lately & although I am tired & am happy we are staying home for a while, I have so enjoyed making memories with Aaron, Prater, & Chelsea. We are currently planning a birthday getaway for Aaron with his parents & my sister in a few months. We are going to rent a secluded cabin so he & his parents can fish while myself & Chelsea introduce Prater to one of our favorite places as little girls.

H: Prater Ellis. I am so completely obsessed with this child.

#9: Menu Plans. I have been having so much fun making our bi-weekly menu plans lately - trying to liven up our suppers by using new recipes & cookbooks. I'm considering posting our menu plan for two weeks every other Monday... I had a friend who used to do that on her blog & I always loved reading their menu & getting ideas. Bee Tee Dubs, I really miss her blog... ((cough, cough)).

J: Hello Weekend. I am so glad it is the weekend. Aaron & I have both been sick with sinus infections (add a case of the bronchitis to my list) & this week has just been 'blah' as a result. We stayed in tonight in an effort to rest, he rested while I worked on Prater's first year photobook. Tomorrow we are going to a bridal fair with some buddies who recently got engaged; I am serving as matron-of-honor for their September nuptials & couldn't be more excited! Then on Sunday we are celebrating his Dad's birthday with a family lunch at Carrabba's - yummy, yummy!

So, that is that... I do feel better, whew. It's just that my sister & I had one of those I-Wish-Daddy-Was-Here moments today when she was getting taken advantage of at a tire shop. Aaron couldn't leave work to help & I just started crying because if Daddy was here she wouldn't need a tire shop or he would be with her to make sure the men didn't treat her like an idiot... just one of those days.

Oh & sorry if my numbering/lettering is annoying. In my family, that is how we tell things worthy of bullet points & I just can't help myself to be any different.

Party Like Its 1999.

2011-12-31T21:14:00.001-08:00

New Year's Eve. A chance to reflect on the past year & dream about the coming.

This time last year, I was spent. I was torn, much like I find myself on a daily basis.

I wanted 2010 to be finished because of the heartache we endured while also feeling sadness that we were 'moving on' in the wake of Daddy's passing. I was utterly miserable in almost every aspect of my life & longed for the New Year to bring its promise of a New Chapter.

Boy, I had no clue.

I've said before that I am not a fan of change - I am a creature of habit & love my routine. Well, 2011 rocked my world - my little slice of life barely resembles who I was this time last year.

I have & continue to grieved Daddy's passing, I became pregnant after a quick decision to 'see what happens', I quit the job that I had worked towards since I was a high school freshman, I enjoyed 6 'free' months between quitting my job & giving birth - taking care of Daddy's remaining 'business' & taking care of myself, I gave birth to the most precious child I could have NEVER imagined would be mine... Yowzers.

Looking onward to the coming year, I have a few goals that I would like to strive for, I thought I would mention them here for accountability with myself:

Take care of myself. Physically, I want to plan to run a 5k. I have lost 27 pounds since becoming pregnant & haven't felt this good, physically, in 5 years. I am enjoying having more energy & the compliments from my husband. I also want to establish some hobbies that I make time to do for myself - I would love to write a column for a local newspaper or just continue to blog here on a more regular basis, etc. I know that to be a good mother & wife, I need to take care of myself to be my healthiest & happiest.

Revamp our household budget. I love money & I love micro-managing it. To be completely honest (for my own accountability), our spending habits haven't changed much since I quit working & obviously, they need to. Now that things have settled down from all of the changes we've encountered this past year, it is time to get serious about our budget again. I love the monthly challenge of detailed budgeting & saving our money - I've missed it. I know that we both love to feel financially secure & as the organizer/planner, I need to do a better job of keeping our accounts in check.

Give my little family my best. I am (very) often convicted that I spend too much time on the internet, watching trashy television, putting outside commitments first, etc. when I should be focusing on my two favorite people. Before all else, I want to be the best wife & mother I can be. I want to speak encouragement in to their lives, I want them to find comfort in me & the life I create for them in our home. It is my upmost heart's desire & I must make it a priority.

Find a church home. We've missed being apart of a congregation & we want Prater to be raised in southern baptist church like the both of us were - we want for her to have a strong foundation in Jesus. We are going to make finding a church home a priority & 'get plugged in'.

Needs not wants. Our home is completely furnished with more items in storage. My closet & chest-of-drawers are full of beautiful things. I want to be mindful of the difference of needs & wants. And when I do make purchases, I want to be intentional - do I absolutely LOVE this want, can I get this item from a small business, can I buy this handmade, can my purchase help others (Toms, 147 Million), can we have a potluck picnic instead of eating lunch at a restaurant? I want to spend our money wisely, & in these areas, I want to focus on sped intentionally, mindfully, & creating memories instead of buying 'things'.

Calm down. I am doing lots better in this category but I want to continue to grow & self reflect. I want to worry less about things that do not involve me/my little family, things I cannot change, have any control over, or, & why is this so dang hard, what people think of me. I want to support those closest to me: even if I don't necessarily agree with their decisions, understanding that it's important to them. I want to hold my tongue when the toilet paper roll is empty. "Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill." as Daddy would say.

I'm sure there are more that I am forgetting or that will arise as we pass through the year, these are just some highlights that have been weighing heavily on my mind & in my heart.

Happy 2012, y'all! Blessings!

((Southern)) Accent Vlog.

2011-12-19T20:03:00.000-08:00

I am wwwaaayyy behind on this trend, but I have wanted to participate since watching Blue-Eyed Bride's & Crowley Party's accent vlogs - so, better late than never, right?

I find accents super interesting & have really enjoyed watching others read through the list of words & questions... of course, I think I sound like a complete goober in this video & feel like I don't sound or look anything like myself... I'm sure that's something that everyone experiences, or at least that's what I am telling myself so all is right with my chi.

Like I said in the video, I've noticed comments from folks who don't know me in-real-life & I know how neat it is for me to watch a video of a blogger to be able to put their voice to the words I am reading, & thought it'd be a neat little activity to do on this quiet Monday night.

This is the list of words I read: Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

And here are the questions I answered: What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house? What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball? What is the bubbly carbonated drink called? What do you call gym shoes? What do you say to address a group of people? What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs? What do you call your grandparents? What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket? What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining? What is the thing you use to change the TV channel?

Thanks again for checking in on my little corner of the internets... I've enjoyed meeting all the new folks who have been commenting & I appreciate you reading my words so much! Blessings to you & yours... or, blessings all y'all!

And, just because I think this is a knee-slapper... my sister posted this picture of Prater to FB today... that baby can wear some Kate Spade sunglasses.

25 Christmases.

2011-12-15T19:14:00.000-08:00

My mother is a ~~hoarder~~ memory keeper. I joke, but being the sentimental sap that I am, I love that she saved SO MUCH from my childhood & that I am able to share them with Prater... even if she doesn't wear them anywhere but around the house with me, so that I can snap a picture to compare the resemblance...

I wore this outfit around Christmastime 25 years ago... in fact, looky what I found while decorating my tree...

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And, just for kicks & giggles - this is what the remainder of our night consisted of until she went to bed... do you think my first 'baby' is jealous of the newest baby?

And just because I think she is so delish...

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Tomorrow is Aaron's off day so, of course, we have an errand list a mile long to take care of:

Pick up a pail for cloth diapering at UG White.

Aaron needs a new pair of boots from TSC.

Return a Veggie Tales DVD to the Library & pick out another one.

Pay some bills & do some banking.

New shoes for the horses.

Pick up some Christmas gifts.

The dreaded grocery shopping... at the Wal-Marts.

But after all of those obligatory tasks, we will have a family filled weekend. Aaron's looking forward to spending some quality time with his mother & brother at a Christmas concert while I will be joining the Pink Flamingos for a baking extravaganza. We will be baking treats for our Tacky Caroling & are hosting our annual "Sister's Lunch" with my Nanny's three sisters who are 84, 86, & 88. They are a hoot & a half!

Fa la la la la, la la, la la.

Christmas Ornament.

2011-12-14T16:20:00.001-08:00

My sweet, great-aunt Jenny sends the sweetest cards via snail mail. In her Christmas card to us, she included a $10 bill & a note that it was intended for Prater Ellis. Oh, it made me smile... I just love her sweet self. I wanted to get Prater something special with the cash, something to commemorate her first Christmas but also to link Aunt Jenny & their special relationship. My Aunt Jenny loves to snatch Prater & love on her as soon as we enter a room - she is the ultimate caregiver.

I decided I wanted to get her a special ornament & thought it would be really neat to find one I could personalize.

After a quick search, I found this photo ornament from Wal-Mart. It was super easy to design & I received it SUPER fast, especially for a custom item.

I have many ornaments I cherish that were gifts from special folks, I hope Prater Ellis cherishes this ornament & it can be a reminder to her of just how loved she is.

Christmas Wish Lists.

2011-12-04T23:17:00.000-08:00

Making a Christmas Wish List is very hard for me... I really struggle with the materialism of the Christmas season. Obviously I am a lover of pretty things as documented by my love affair with all things Kate Spade... & yes, I love to gift myself items throughout the year when inclined. However, I am extremely uncomfortable when receiving gifts & have to really guard myself against it (& other contributors) stealing my joy during the holiday season - it's a struggle I almost always lose.

I do love that in today's world we can purchase lovely things for ourselves while also benefiting others who are less fortunate. I am equally as excited about the cause behind these two gifts as I would be to receive the goody myself on Christmas morning.

Most folks know that for every pair of Tom's sold, a pair will be given to a child in need. While the Magazine Bead Necklace helps the women of the Karamojong tribe maintain sustainable income for their families in Uganda.

Natural Burlap Women's Classics / Magazine Bead Necklace

I also added two of these long sleeve V-Neck's from Old Navy which have became my favorite staple for being a new mom - so easy to dress up with jewels or down with Toms.

Chelsea & I have seen this tee shirt twice while shopping together & neither time did they have either of our sizes or they would have been bought immediately. This verse is near & dear to our hearts because it resides on our Daddy's tombstone while also representing Auburn University's battle cry, War Eagle!

And... I have already professed my love & wonderment over this Kate Spade Prize Ball.

Aaron & I really struggled with what to get Prater & if we should get her anything at all... I mean come on, she is an infant who doesn't need anything. Plus, we really want to teach Prater that there is a difference between a need & a want, that Christmas isn't a free-for-all to ask for ridiculous amounts of toys, & that there are children all over the world who would love to simply be blessed with a family that loves them, food, & a cozy home. Nonetheless, we definitely felt that we wanted to get her three small gifts for her first Christmas - three gifts, just like Jesus received from the Wise Men. Its a tradition that we hope to stick to with Prater Ellis. I was practically giddy that I was able to snag all of her gifts at a discount & with cash back rewards!

I love all things magnolia, obviously, & have wanted a magnolia headband for her to wear in some of her professional, baby plan photos with the talented Amber Ellis. This headband is exactly what I had envisioned - I love it!

Like my sister & Daddy, Prater is obsessed with the TV... although I try my hardest to not let her "watch" any, sometimes I just need the "assistance" it offers for a few minutes... we thought at the very least, she could be watching something substantial instead of Law & Order: SVU. Insert Veggie Tales - I really think she is going to enjoy this DVD!

And, I have really wanted to get her a pair of boots for this winter but have not wanted to spend much because obviously that is just ridiculous when they grow so fast... then I had trouble finding ones small enough for her tiny feet - these fit the bill, literally! I cannot wait to see her sport these cuties!

***

Some fun things I am looking forward to this coming week:

Breakfast & lunch dates with lots of girlfriends - can't wait to catch up on girl talk!

Hopefully finishing my Christmas shopping!

A much-awaited hair appointment, I love getting my hair did!

Dinner at some of our closest friends' house - we love their home & their cooking!

Cookie baking with the ladies on Aaron's side of the family!

Not having to grocery shop because I picked up all of our necessities for the next two weeks this past week!

Sisters.

2011-12-04T22:20:00.000-08:00

As I said in my last post – my sister, Aaron, Prater, & I spent Thanksgiving in the mountains. We didn’t have an agenda – we did what we wanted, when we wanted… aren’t those the best vacations? One thing my sister & I wanted to make time to do was zip lining. So, we looked up a place just minutes from our secluded cabin & while Prater was napping, we flew down a mountain for two hours.

I am so glad that I got to experience this with Chelsea Ellis. Our relationship has grown so much over the past year & for that, I am forever thankful. I feared what our relationship would be after Daddy passed but I feel like we have clung to one another when it has counted most & Daddy would be so proud. I miss her when I don’t see her for a few days & consider her one of my best friends – telling her things that I don’t tell others & confiding in her about things that matter most like the feelings we felt in those last moments with Daddy & silly things like where to find the prettiest & cheapest infinity scarf.

When we were growing up, I wanted her to want to be just like me. Conceited much? She is absolutely nothing like me. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because she is nothing like me, she makes me a better person: pushing me to not be scared. Not only in silly things like zip lining, which I would have never done if my kid sister hadn’t called me a sissy, but in life – she grabs it by the horns, has no fears, & doesn’t care what anyone thinks – how did she get all the guts in the DNA pool?

In our relationship, I’ve learned to live out loud one Daddy’s most simple, yet most important lessons to us. Do not let something that “doesn’t amount to a hill-of-beans” get in the middle of an important relationship. Apparently I am hard headed (who knew?) & it took me a very long time to learn this in regards to my relationship with my sister, I’m sure I almost burnt one too many bridges with her before finally “pulling my head out of my butt” as my Daddy would say. I am just so thankful that she likes me enough to have waited for me to grow up & realize that just because we couldn’t be any more different & just because we do not share many of the same views & opinions & desires & convictions in this life does not mean we can’t have a strong relationship…

365 Days.

2011-11-27T21:50:00.001-08:00

One year. One whole year.

I have really struggled today - with my emotions & my words. My spirit feels very conflicted.

For me, I find that the days leading up to the anniversary date of a passing loved one are harder than the actual day... over the past week I have relived every detail of my last week with Daddy - those minute & of magnitude.

Being admitted to the hospital on Monday because he was jaundiced & although knowing it was most likely disease progression, praying that it was just a slow processing liver in need of fluids. Being told on Tuesday that our worst fears were a reality & he would be going home on hospice care. Leaving the hospital on Wednesday & the quiet drive home. Celebrating Thanksgiving together & putting up Christmas decorations that Thursday.

On that Friday morning my heart broke in to a million pieces when my sister & I had to help him get in to a wheelchair. Thinking that my heart couldn't take any more, just 12 or so hours later Aaron & I had to move him back in to bed for the night, without any help from him, his body basically limp as organs began to deteriorate...

These memories... they are such a catch 22. On one hand, they are precious moments that mark my final days with him this side of Glory. I'm a mother hen, I enjoy caring for those that I love - my heart swelled while fixing him a bowl of my Aunt Jenny's chicken stew & a grilled cheese, the same grilled cheese he taught me to fix as a child. It swelled when he told Aaron, "Just go get Brit, she knows how to fix my pillows." The memory of my home being filled to the brim with 'my people' - Daddy, Chels, & Aaron - oh, it filled my heart with joy to have them all under my roof. They are beautiful & heartbreaking - one in the same. I am thankful for being able to serve him in those final moments while also being tormented by the excruciatingly painful details of 'the end' of his precious life.

On this day last year, I left Athens-Limestone Hospital in total shock that all of our efforts to fight the cancer didn't work & he died.

Today, my life is so different than what it was on that day, it is barely recognizable. I was graduating from intern school for a job that other students dream of, I didn't know if I wanted children but I sure didn't want them any time soon. My free time was spent researching cancer centers & new therapies that could possibly save Daddy. My overall feeling was sadness & anger & bitterness although I tried to portray a completely different being.

Today, I am sitting in the backseat of my sister's Jeep, next to my little darling, heading home from an amazing long-weekend trip to the mountains with 'my people' - Aaron, Chelsea, & Prater.

Although there is not a day that goes by that I don't feel sadness that he isn't here with us, that I don't wake up from a dream of him playing with a one year old Prater in the home that I grew up in, that I don't wish with every fiber of my being that he could have lived to be an old PeePaw... I also feel joy & so blessed in my life.

I thank God every day for this ordinarily amazing life that I am living.

I do not take one moment of it for granted & I cling to it like it could be a vapor tomorrow...

Because if the last year has taught me anything, it's that life is fleeting... that its the ordinary moments of your daughter recognizing your voice & smiling that are the best... that relationships with your sister are important because you will need each other... that at the end of your life, you won't be surrounded by material items but people who will be sharing special memories of their time spent with you & how important you were to their life.

Today, I am so thankful for a Daddy who taught me those lessons & I can only pray to be granted the opportunity to share them with his granddaughter.

Wacky Wednesday.

2011-11-16T12:55:00.000-08:00

I've got lots of random things on my mind today, so I thought I would do a little brain dump/mish mash post for funzies...

Miss Priss will be a little over three months old when Christmas rolls around... because we are blessed beyond measure by being surrounded by loving & supporting folks, there just aren't many things off her registries that she still needs that we didn't receive as shower gifts & because she has a slew of grandparents, aunts, uncles, & cousins who are making plans to shower her with Christmas goodies, Aaron & I are just getting her a few simple things that she needs. We will definitely be ordering this Deluxe Woombie in Ballet Pink Ruffles - the girl loves to sleep & to be swaddled but she is getting stronger by the day & starting to break out of Mommy's tight swaddles during the night - I know she will just LOVE this!

I have lots of fun things coming in the mail that I am excited about! I used to be so intimidated by online shopping, but now I find it to be one of my most favorite things - I love having packages dropped off at my front door! I had a generous gift card for Babies-R-Us so I decided to order a few things to kick-start our cloth diapering adventure & a food processor for when Prater is allowed to start baby foods - I can't wait to try my hand at making her food! I figure, I love making mine & her Daddy's food, why not at least try making hers? I also ordered some fun cards from SeeHere.com; using a coupon code I learned about from The Mom Creative, I was able to get 25 photo cards for free!

Charlie Banana reusable insert 3-Pack (Small)

BumGenius Diaper Sprayer

Baby Bullet Food System - 20pc

I believe that I just may have to order this goody for myself because curiosity is KILLING this cat! I mean, come on - how much fun is this?! I must know what delicious goodies the geniuses at Kate Spade have hidden within this Prize Ball! I do not believe I can call myself a KS addict without it!

One of my fabulous friends gifted me a Starbucks gift card for my birthday... I was going to use it to treat myself to a few vanilla bean frappuccinos but decided to pick up this fun Create-Your-Own Tumbler instead. It's a treat that keeps on being a treat! Even more fun, I was able to go on Snapfish.com & create a custom insert with pictures of my two favorite people in the world - Aaron & Prater! AND, for creating a new Snapfish account, I was able to order twenty 4x6 photos for free! Which is great because I ordered pictures of Prater that will be used as Christmas gifts! Hot dog, I am getting the hang of this online shopping/free stuff & I like it... I like it ALOT!

A few weeks ago, Chelsea & I took Prater Ellis to meet her Great-Great Grandmother, Granny Bear! It was such a special treat & I will forever cherish the pictures & video we took of Granny Bear enjoying Prater! We are so blessed to have so much aged wisdom in our family!

This child... Sweet Jesus... is the most delicious thing I have ever seen in my entire life. (Sorry, I may be a tad bit partial.) She is THE BEST baby EVER. She has been sleeping through the night for weeks, she only fusses when she is dirty or hungry. She is a champion eater. She has started smiling & 'talking' to her Daddy & I - we are absolutely in love & could not be enjoying parenthood more!

I have been reading 'Kisses from Katie' by Katie Davis & it is ROCKING MY WORLD! I would love to write more about it but I simply don't have the time right now. But what I will say is that I have seriously felt as though Aaron & I are to add to our family by adoption, & I have felt this for a very long time... I am already praying about what that will mean for us & our families. It's just something that has been a desire of my heart for a few years but is now growing stronger & stronger. Having Prater Ellis definitely amped up that desire - she will be so privileged & loved, how can I sit idle when I know there are children who won't be as blessed or gosh, just simply have their basic needs met?

I am looking forward to hopefully finishing up this book & enjoying these fun Kate Spade books that another fabulous friend gifted me with for my birthday - 'Occasions', 'Style', 'Manners' - on our upcoming vacation! Aaron & I haven't been on a vacation longer than a weekend stay since the year we were married... we are really looking forward to the time away together, with our little love while trying to escape the devastation of last Thanksgiving.

Happy Wednesday, y'all! Only 2 days until the weekend, lovers!

Two Pictures, One Year.

2011-11-06T12:17:00.000-08:00

Auburn University Homecoming: November 6th, 2010.

Prater Ellis Olson, Two Months Old: November 6th, 2011

What a difference a year makes.

Between Him & Her.

2011-10-23T18:18:00.000-07:00

I sat by myself…

It wasn’t intentional; I was just the last person out of the ‘family room’ before entering the funeral. Being the large family that we are, the pews were quickly filled & I was left on the end of a pew by myself, holding Prater Ellis.

Aaron couldn’t miss work, my sister filed in beside some cousins, & there I was… by myself, holding Prater Ellis.

The funeral began & sweet words were said about the man I called Paw Paw Prater. Sweet songs were sung, heartfelt speeches were given, & tear-filled sniffles echoed throughout the familiar country church that also hosted my Maw Maw Prater’s funeral.

To be honest, I don’t know very much about my Paw Paw Prater… but what I do know, I cherish. I know that he loved his wife of 60+ years & that I long for that amount of time & devotion with my Aaron, that he made a hard living working in a steal mill plant to provide for his family, that he loved his Gibson guitar & that many of my family members fondly remember him playing it in church, that he was an animated character with his “hello, high pocket” greeting & “get outta here” excitement, that he was very proud of his 7 children, 15 grandchildren, & 19 great-grandchildren…

When I heard the lyrics “I'm kind of homesick for a country, To which I've never been before. No sad goodbyes will there be spoken, for time won't matter anymore.” I lost it. My Uncle David’s speech shed some light as to why the song “Beulah Land” was a favorite of my Daddy’s, why it had to be played at his funeral… it was my Paw Paw & Maw Maw’s favorite song, they would listen to their cassette tape & ‘have church’.

These days, if I cry, I sob. And that is exactly what I did.

As “Amazing Grace” was played on Paw Paw’s guitar by a family friend & I sang along with my family, my memory replayed the last time that I sang those lyrics.

It was with the same family members & we were crowded into a tiny ICU room, surrounding my Daddy with overwhelming love as he took his final breaths. As I sang them then, I sobbed, held his hand & buried my head into his freckled arm, feeling his last breath leave his body. As I sang them this past week, I sobbed, held Prater Ellis & buried my head into her perfectly precious head, hearing her whimpers & feeling her perfect lungs inhale & exhale.

I smelled her distinct scent that Aaron says smells like me & I thanked God for her life. For knowing what I needed & what I wanted when I didn’t even know it myself. For knowing there would be days that I would need the comfort of his arms around me, the kind of comfort that you can only receive from someone with whom you share blood.

After Paw Paw’s burial service, we replaced Daddy’s spring floral arrangement with a fall, Auburn themed one that he would have been so proud of. Before I knew it, as I adjusted the bow, I said “there you go Daddy”, just as my Great-Aunt Jenny does every time we replace the floral arrangements on my Pops & Nanny’s graves. All the while, Prater Ellis was asleep in her car seat being carried by my cousin, Jenny.

I stood between Him & Her.

And I have never felt more at peace.

This is where I find myself in life right now, between Him & Her. For me, it is a balancing act. I am filled with both overwhelming joy & overwhelming sadness daily. It is a strange walk. I talked about wanting to stay home with Prater because it was important to me that I was the one that could comfort her, just as I was the one who could arrange Daddy’s pillows correctly in his final days.

I am there.

Because of caring for him in his final days, I am able to care for her. Because I was so rattled when caring for him, I am not rattled in caring for her. And I believe I have come to a place where I can thank God for that trial. Because without it, without those unbearable, heart wrenching days with Him – I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn’t be as thankful as I am for these amazing, joy filled days with Her.

Crock Pot Love.

2011-10-09T14:56:00.000-07:00

I am Southern. And like all good Southerners, I love food. Always have, always will. Breastfeeding has multiplied that love in to an obsession. When did I last eat? When can I eat again? How much can I eat? What can I eat? Will anyone notice that I've eaten enough for four linebackers? All of these questions derive from the fact, of course, that SHE. IS. SUCKING. ME. DRY.

TMI? My deepest apologies. This is who I have become in hunger. A woman who announces uncomfortable sorts-of-things over the internets.

Oh well.

Here are some new crock pot recipes that I have tried recently that everyone under my roof has enjoyed.

Crock Pot Shredded Chicken Sandwiches

Ingredients

4 Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts

1 Jar of Greek Pepperoncini Peppers

Hamburger Buns

Optional Toppings

Slaw

Mayonnaise

Barbecue Sauce

Place disposable slow cooker bag in slow cooker, then place rinsed chicken breasts in slow cooker. Pour jar of peppers over chicken. Cover; cook on low setting for 7 to 8 hours. Pull chicken out of peppers, shred with fork. Assemble sandwiches.

Crock Pot Cheesy Chicken & Rice

Ingredients

Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts

½ Chopped Vidalia Onion

Yellow Rice

Cup of Cheddar Cheese

Can of Cream of Chicken Soup

Can of Whole Kernel Corn

Place disposable slow cooker bag in slow cooker, then place rinsed chicken breasts in slow cooker. Scatter chopped onion over top, spoon over cream soup. Cover, cook on low setting for 7 to 8 hours. Cook yellow rice according to directions. Before serving, stir cooked rice, corn, & cheese into chicken mixture.

Crock Pot Italian Chicken

Ingredients

Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts

Packet of dry Zesty Italian Dressing

Package of Cream Cheese, softened

Can of Cream of Chicken Soup

Bowtie Pasta

Place disposable slow cooker bag in slow cooker, then place rinsed chicken breasts in slow cooker & sprinkle dry Italian dressing over it. Combine cream cheese & cream of chicken soup, pour over chicken. Cover, cook on low setting for at least 4 hours. Cook bowtie pasta according to directions. Serve chicken over pasta.

Sorry for lacking pictures to accompany the recipes. However, I hope that this delicious picture can satisfy your palate.

Great source for finding more Crock Pot recipes: Crock Pot Girls

God Gave Me You.

2011-09-14T17:28:00.000-07:00

You'll have to excuse me while I perfect this all-consuming hug...

... with this little lady.

Oh my Lord, good gracious alive, I love her dearly. Between her & her Daddy, how is this my life?

My cup, it runneth over.

Twirl.

2011-08-31T07:58:00.000-07:00

“Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick.”

-Gwyneth Paltrow

Lucy, I sure do love your love language. Thanks again for, what I am calling, my push present...

Kate Spade Twirl Lipstick

Quick Tour Monday.

2011-08-29T12:36:00.000-07:00

I realized a while back that since posting this blog about our new living room furniture, I haven't given any more updates about things I have been doing around our home while I have been 'at home' this summer. So, here is a ((very)) quick tour of the updates/remodels I have taken on this summer... with Aaron's help, of course.

When I first posted about our new living room furniture, the walls above the two settees were bare. I sort-of liked the 'airy' feeling of clean walls, I couldn't decide if I wanted anything to 'compete' with my pretty new furniture, & I also hadn't seen anything that I just had-to-have to add to the room.

I decided to live with the bare walls for a bit & let the right pieces 'find me' - if the walls were meant to be filled. After reading these two articles, that is exactly what happened when I found this tobacco basket. I fell in love & I fell hard.

After seeing it in one of my favorite stores, then thinking about her for months following, I returned to the store to find her still there & knew she was meant to be mine.

Above the other settee are two antique rug beaters that I found at a flea market, FOR FIVE DOLLARS, & an antique glass lingerie washboard that was given to me as a Christmas gift from my kindred spirit. To hang the rug beaters, I used The Nester's handy-dandy paperclip trick, which I have used to hang lots of other things as well & it works wonders!

This is our picture gallery in our hallway that leads from the living room to the bedrooms - we like to refer to this as 'The Wall of Amber' since she took ((almost)) every picture hanging here.

This is what our bed looks like 99% of the time. I rarely make it up completely - to look like the picture with my babies below - I guess that is my lazy bone showing. Most of the time, our additional pillows are neatly stacked in the galvanized bucket shown 2 pictures down & the comforter is pulled halfway or 3/4 of the way towards the bottom of the bed. We only pull the comforter up in the dead-of-winter because I am so hot natured; Aaron says sleeping with me is like sleeping with an electric blanket, I would suffocate if we used the comforter every night. So, we sleep with a sheet & a thin summer quilt my Aunt Jenny quilted for me when I was younger (which, I could totally just sleep with a quilt, but Aaron prefers some 'heaviness' in his covers & insists on at least two layers).

Our master bath - I think the only 'substantial' change in here is that we moved the chifferobe from where the little three drawer set now resides in to the nursery for Miss Prater Ellis & hung the leaf art above the new set of drawers. I have brought about a few other 'little' things to help with efficiency like putting cotton balls & swabs out on the counter in jars & coffee cups that belonged to my Nanny & I picked up some new towels from, of all places, Kmart.

When we found out we were expecting, we decided we would use the bigger guestroom as Prater Ellis' nursery & make our smaller guestroom/office as efficient as we could given the small space. We wanted a bed, just in case we needed to host an aunt or grandmother or cousin after Praters arrival & this little twin fit the bill - it was actually my bed when I was younger. The only thing I bought for this room was the bedspread & spray paint. I wanted it to look sort of 'woodland' like because this room has to host Aaron's wall of dead animals, see below. This cheap, plaid, $20 bedspread from Kmart was perfect.

Our little guest bedroom/office serves SO many functions - it is where Aaron logs in to participate in his master courses, where I pay our bills & organize our important paperwork that makes our lives go round, where I blog & Facebook, where our degrees proudly hang, & you would be SO surprised at all of the storage this room lends to me, there are TONS of items neatly organized under the bed & in the closet - not only does it supply all of that goodness, but it is also where our little loves lay their heads. They love 'their' room!

This desk is where the spray paint mentioned above came to fruition. My cousin asked me if I wanted an old roll-top desk ages ago, after sitting in our garage for a bit, I decided to overhaul it in to this mega-storage of a computer desk - it works & it works hard for our needs in this room!

There you have it, a quick Monday Tour of some of the changes that have taken place in our home this summer... Hope you all have a great week! I am looking forward to dinner at my in-laws tonight (yummy hamburgers), spending some quality time with my cousin tomorrow (helping her pick out paint colors for her living room), & a baby appointment on Wednesday!

Kate Spade Love.

2011-08-08T13:47:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I showed some love to my beloved brand, Kate Spade. This is just a silly post to break up my afternoon since I am stuck inside while it rains beautiful-good-enriched water on my yard, flowerbeds, & ferns while waiting to start supper for Aaron & his parents who are coming over to visit tonight.

None of these items are on sale, thus they are ridiculously priced, but does that stop my love for them? Heck-to-the-no! Foster - I think that I dig them in black more than the tokyo tort, but in reality, if I ever really bought them, I would most likely get them in tokyo tort. I think that would be better matched for my red hair (which I am planning on returning to in 2 weeks - I've loved being a blonde this summer, but I need to get back to my ~~fake~~ roots). I love them because they are different & would make people think, "Does she think those are cute?" To which I would simply answer, "Yes."
Twirl Lipstick - I saw this beautiful lipstick in-store & have kicked myself ever since for not snatching it... but, for whatever reason I haven't ordered it... I guess I am afraid that I even though I really want to pull of bright red lips, I really don't have it in me to do so. Ugh, why as women do we let silly insecurities hold us back from doing/buying/wearing/saying what we want? Like wearing bright red lipstick?

Becca, in yellow mustard - I love flats... I love the color of mustard... I love bling... why don't I have these? Oh yeah, they are still $300.00 - patience is a virtue that might pay off when these suckers go on massive (the only way I would buy them) sale!

Kati Beaded Cardigan, in honey - oh how I love an embellished cardi... and the color honey (or yellow or mustard - basically I am a big fan of the hue)... And look, she has red hair, that always gets my attention too.

Westward Adventurer Satchel, in dark roast - I am drawn to this bag for many reasons: the color is delicious, it looks like the leather is oh-so-soft & that gets me every-dang-time, it looks like a HUGE bag that would hold all of my believed-to-be necessities, & not that I would EVER do this, but it looks like I could throw it up on my horse like a doctor in a western would his medical bag... I don't know where that thought is coming from, but I have it & now I want to watch McLintock! (Not that there is even a doctor who throws their medical bag on to a horse in McLintock! Its just my favorite western. I am ridiculous.)

Pearl Scallop Bib Necklace - I have died & gone to pearl heaven. I love absolutely, every thing, every detail about this necklace. I want it, I need it. Where would I wear it, who knows? But my body aches for it.

Dramatic much? Eh, oh well.

Prater Ellis' Nursery.

2011-08-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

When trying to get a vision for Prater Ellis’ nursery I was, at first, severely overwhelmed. "It has to be perfect." I kept repeating to myself. I stressed myself out & was on the verge of taking all of the fun out of planning & working on our first baby’s nursery. I finally had to give myself a pep talk – so long as I stayed true to my style & built her safe haven with love, it would be perfect.

So, welcome to her nursery. I realize that it may not be everyone’s ideal nursery, cup-of-tea, style or taste, but it is perfect to me – her Momma, the one who has carried & cared for her for the past 35 weeks. It is everything that I wanted it to be – nostalgic, simple, sweet, clean & crisp, & filled with lovely things that belonged to lovely people.

People have asked me to describe its ‘theme’ or ‘style’ - I have the hardest time replying… Shabby Antique Chic? Flea Market Chic? I don’t know, but as I wrote in her baby book, “… almost everything in your nursery has a story, belonged to a family member, or is a family heirloom – the room makes me feel warm & loved, exactly how I hope it will make you feel, Prater Ellis…”

(Wall color is Olympic's Heirloom Lace)

This is the view from the door. Like I said in my note to Prater, almost everything in this nursery has a story, a sweet one. Daddy rebuilt this rocking chair. It would have been nice & I am sure there will be a night when I will wish we had sprung for a plush glider but every time I sit in this rocker, which feels like it was specifically made for my body, I think of my Daddy…

I picture him painstakingly rethreading the seat in his shop & I dare say, because anyone who knew his heart would know this, that as he did so, he envisioned himself rocking grandchildren in this rocker. In my heart, I just know it. And even the best-of-the-best glider can’t compete with that. This is the wall that the door opens in to – her changing table area. The chest-of-drawers were Aaron’s grandparents’ – he painted the piece a nice, neutral taupe & while I usually opt for new hardware, my new favorite thing is to paint the old, I cannot get enough of the look.

Next to the changing pad is an owl head that my sweet little cousin painted for Prater & it holds her diaper creams, wipes, etc – it is the perfect little storage bowl. Owls have always been special to me because within the FFA, the advisor, my Daddy’s position, 'stands' by the owl. Next to the owl is an old concrete planter that I dug out of Daddy’s barn lot ages ago. I made a liner for it & it holds her diapers – right now it is holding the Seventh Generation newborn diapers that guests wrote sweet notes on at our shower but it will eventually hold BumGenius cloth diapers when she is big enough to wear them.

The gold mirror above the changing table was Aaron’s grandmother’s & was kept in her formal dining room. When she passed away & his family had to move his grandfather in to an assisted living facility, I helped them move him out of their home after it sold. When this mirror wasn’t claimed by any family members & offered to me, I jumped at the opportunity to have it; 6+ years later I am so thankful for it. Every time I look at it, it reminds me of Aaron’s sweet grandmother & the last time I saw her. Frail & in the hospital, cancer had taken over & made her once thriving body petite, the family was praying for her relief from this earth & the horrid disease that engulfed her – at the time I didn’t understand how you could pray such a prayer... now I do & have since prayed it myself. Funny how an outdated gold mirror can make you feel so much.

And I hung the brooch wreath that I made for Prater with blue & lace ribbon that was found in my Nanny's crafting supplies (reinforced with fishing wire).

Behind the door is this sweet hairbow organizer that my bestie, Kim, made ((with love)) for Prater... it couldn't be more perfect, I absolutely adore it! And below, inside the crib, is a Moses Basket that my bestie, Brittany, made ((with love)) for Prater as well... it is AH-MAZING. We were all beside ourselves when she gifted me with it at Prater's shower.

Do I have some beyond talented friends, or what? Prater has been given SO MANY handmade gifts & I just could not be more blessed by them.

Aaron's parents gifted us Prater's ebony Jenny Lind crib; following the tradition that my father-in-law's mother had bought Aaron's crib. I could not find any bedding that I loved so I decided to 'piece it together' - that's more fun anyway. I picked up the handmade, blue toile bumper at a consignment shop. Momma & Chelsea helped me make the burlap crib skirt, I then layered blue & lace round tablecloths that belonged to my Maw Maw Prater - I love a layered look & I loved getting those tablecloths out of a drawer & in to my decor!

The sweet diaper stacker was a shower gift that I just treasure - it holds all of Prater's 'special' blankets that either belonged to Aaron & I as babies or people have made for her.

I already owned some of the hanging plates & picked up additional ones to finish the look at flea markets & antique stores, here & there. I had a little fun creating a challenge for myself - I put a $1.00 cap on purchasing each plate, some were as low as $0.10! The 'Prater' doily in the middle was made by my Great Aunt Jenny & I couldn't be more tickled to have it.

I picked up the oval rug while visiting the Amish & to the left of the crib is the room's trashcan, a galvanized bucket with a lid, that Aaron's mom displayed all of her gifts for Prater in at our family shower.

This vintage wagon is on the right side of the crib – Chelsea picked it up at a country boutique that we both love & put all of her gifts for the family shower in it. I lined the bottom of the wagon with a small blanket/afghan that was Daddy’s & inside are some of mine & Aaron’s childhood toys & stuffed animals. I love that she will have some of our now vintage toys to play with.

This gold column/china cabinet/curio cabinet was a gift from my Pops & Nanny when I was in the 4th grade – I have always loved it. It has a dim light in the top that is the perfect night light, three shelves that are holding sweet keepsakes, & the bottom also opens for storage (we are not lacking for storage in this nursery, thank goodness).

The very top shelf has some of Aaron’s baby keepsakes, I framed his silver fork & spoon & sat his booties beside them, there is also a sweet gift from Prater’s Aunt Elizabeth & Uncle Chris & an old, rose colored oil lamp that I found when cleaning out Daddy’s attic. The middle shelf holds a stack of mine & Aaron’s baby/childhood bibles, one of which is 'wearing' a ratchet-shaped money clip with 'Prater' embossed on it that belonged to Daddy, & Aaron’s favorite horse figurine from when he was a little boy (who just so happens to bear a resemblance to his now favorite horse, Chief). The last shelf holds my baby-sized, dining glassware set. All of these items are sitting on top of various doilies that I found in Daddy’s attic.

This chifferobe was a piece from my nursery & now houses all of Prater’s bigger blankets/quilts, precious handmade outfits, & her special jewelry box. Underneath the chifferobe is a hat box that holds the hat that I wore during our maternity session. On top are some of my beloved glass jars from my collection (within the first row of jars are some of mine & Aaron’s baby rattles), some old electrical insulators that Daddy collected, & an old scale.

Above the chifferobe is a replica of an old indoor clothesline with some of mine & Aaron’s baby clothes hanging from it.

And, it is hard to see, hanging from the door is a sweet frame with the letter 'P' that was also a sweet shower gift that I treasure.

To the left of the chifferobe is a replica of an antique radio/record player that belonged to Aaron's grandfather that I have always cherished - he was a lover of music. It is sitting on top an old, tattered gold box that Daddy used as a filing cabinet in his closet that is now holding some of mine & Aaron's childhood books as well as some old records. And the raccoon sitting on top is Roscoe & he was a gift from Daddy when I was born.

To the right of the chifferobe is an antique washtub that is holding more of mine & Aaron’s baby toys along with Aaron’s mom’s vintage Raggedy Anne & Andy dolls – she said that she always had it in her mind that she would pass them on to her first grandchild; I just know that Prater will love playing with them!

This is the view from the wall that the crib is on. Her closet door is holding her blessing ring & the sign above the door says "I love you so good". My mother-in-law & sister-in-law helped me make the sign - it is a saying that my mother's side of the family says in place of a simple "I love you". The board the letters are affixed to is a piece of the hardwood floor from my Daddy's house that Aaron painted for me. I wanted to use hymnal pages from an old hymnal that belonged to my Pops & Nanny's church to make the letters but the paper was too worn. So, my mother-in-law copied the page for "Blessed Assurance" on to new paper & my sister-in-law used her Cricut to make the letters. I am so happy to have that sign & the fact that we all worked on it together just blesses my soul.

I picked up the vintage wing back chair at my local Salvation Army & hanging above the chair is a picture of Daddy petting Momma's old horse, Commanchee, who passed away earlier this year.

I had the cute corner bookshelf made out of an old door at a local antique store & could not be more in love with it. On the top shelf is an owl that was the body of a lamp that my Uncle Dickie gave to my Nanny in 1979. On the middle shelf is half of my childhood Sesame Street book collection, a pair of my tiny cowboy boots, & a jar with a ton of silver dollars inside.

When Momma was (8 months) pregnant with me, she & Daddy were at a goat auction & she was bidding on a set of twins with a momma goat against one of the auction barn's 'elders'. No one could believe that someone was bidding against 'Paw' & he finally turned around from his front row seat to see who was raising the price against him. When she caught a look at him, she burst out in tears because he looked just like her grandfather & immediately stopped bidding against him. After the auction, the old man & his son (an old man himself) found Momma & Daddy in the parking lot - Paw gave Momma the set of twins & momma goat & they all became life long friends. We would visit Paw & his family's farm often when I little & he would always save silver dollars for me & my sister - hence, my jar full of them.

And on the bottom shelf is the remainder of my Sesame Street book collection with Aaron's childhood piggy bank holding them in place.

There are times that Aaron & I spend the whole night in her nursery after dinner - playing with her things, letting the dogs sniff them, re-organizing, dreaming, wondering who she will be... and then there are days that I go in to her nursery while he is at work & sit in the middle of the room & cry uncontrollably.

I think about the morning, over 8 months ago, that I walked in to that very room & saw my Daddy staring at the ceiling, begging his maker to take him from the pain he was in. I replay every minute detail in my mind & for a moment, those images, sounds, smells, they consume me - both a blessing & a haunting. A blessing that we were able to be together during that moment & a haunting that no child should ever have to witness their parent in that much pain.

I allow myself to wallow for a moment, these moments are natural in grief, I believe. And then I look around the room, at all of the beautiful pieces that make up her special nursery, at all of the people who love us & her, & I thank God that He turns ashes into beauty. I think back to the afternoon that Daddy died, returning to this house from the hospital & wondering if we could just burn it to the ground & move - that room meant death & mourning & pain & suffering & unbearable distance. And now, oh now, it means new life & unspeakable joy & healing & love.

My cup, it runneth over.

Prater's Blessing Ring.

2011-08-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

After reading this post over at the Katie's Keepers & being a hoarder-of-cards, I've known all along what I wanted do with the cards we received throughout Prater's pregnancy.

Last night, I hole punched & threaded all of the cards on to the metal ring, then went back between each card & tied ribbons from her gifts - I am very happy with how it turned out & love that I can continue to add to it if need be. I've hung it on her closet door knob for now & I love that it is a daily reminder that there are TONS of people who love our little family & who are thinking about & praying for us during this season of our lives.

I loved rereading everyone's kind words & well wishes - I hope that one day Prater Ellis will read over these & be encouraged that she has been loved, by so many, since before she was born.

Sweet Treats Dessert Shower.

2011-07-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

Tonight, some of my girlfriends hosted an after dinner desserts shower & showered Prater with lots of precious goodies.

We all met as freshmen in high school & became fast friends - spending almost all of our time together, having 'girls nights' at my family's farm, always having each others' backs, hanging out at the elevator during break, eating lunch together... we had the best time - we definitely lived lives of luxury. We all went our separate ways after high school, some going off the college, some staying home, some of us have gotten married, some of us have had babies, we've gotten 'big girl' jobs & now, there are times that we don't see each other for months (years?) at a time...

I am so thankful that we can all still keep in touch through Facebook, our annual Christmas party, & the occasional baby/bridal shower. I got super sentimental while uploading these pictures on Facebook earlier, we are so lucky that 6 years post high school we all still enjoy getting together to reminisce our old adventures - like showing up late to our baccalaureate practice or wild field parties while celebrating our new ones - like babies, weddings, & careers.

These ladies blessed my soul tonight with their generosity & excitement for Prater's impending arrival.

The sweet hostesses - I cannot thank y'all enough for putting together a darling shower!

One of the girls recently moved to Texas & will marry her mister in October - she wasn't able to come to the shower but had her sweet little brother (who I love dearly - he & my sister are good buddies, he cut Daddy's yard for him while he was sick, & he worked a miracle & made our yard grow grass last year) drop off a gift - I mean really, how precious to coordinate that all the way from Texas!

I was so happy that Aunt Elizabeth & Nana could join in on the fun & meet all the girls!

And Momma had been excited about getting to see all the 'old girls' again for weeks!

I believe this type of friendship is one of the most special - the kind where you don't have to see each other or speak every day, but when you do get together it feels as if you were together just the day before. I think it speaks volumes to the strong relationships we built in high school & I pray that we can continue to 'be there' for each other for YEARS & YEARS to come!

Maternity Session with Amber Ellis Photography.

2011-07-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

She has done it yet again! Go to Amber Ellis Photography's blog to see some of the pictures from our maternity session - we are in love with these images & are so tickled to have this special time documented by Amber's talent! Amber has become such a special part of all of our families' big events, I will never be able to thank her enough for some of the images she has created for us!

If you are in need of a photographer, for any occasion, I HIGHLY recommend Amber! Our families have used her services for Christmas cards, senior portraits, graduation invitations, my sister & I bought a session for our mom for Mother's Day last year, the Pink Flamingos had a session for my sweet Great Aunt Jenny's birthday last year & we are so excited that Miss Prater is on her baby plan!

Saturday This & That.

2011-07-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

Check out the sweet dresses that my little cousin, Lara, made for Prater this past week. I'm a'telling you, the girl can do anything - she is so inspiring & she is 14. I thought it was SO SWEET that she took the time to make some things for Prater. She is the only girl in the midst of 3 brothers, she has been one of the most excited about our baby girl.

Yesterday was my brother-in-law, Chris', 26th birthday & his wife, Elizabeth, planned a surprise birthday dinner for him last night at Outback. After dinner, we decided to tool around Bridgestreet for a bit, since we were 'in town' & I scored some pretties off the JCrew sales racks - all of their sale items were an additional 40% off, score!

I picked up this draped tank in 'shell'.

And this featherweight cardigan in 'bold perri' - I also have this in neon pink & I love it, it is the perfect lightweight cardigan for an Alabama summer & fall.

While we were there, I lusted over this perfect Auburn football sweatshirt in navy. I am going to stalk this until it goes on sale & then pair it with...

...this tank underneath for the perfect game day outfit.

And lastly, I was so thrilled to see an email in my inbox this morning from one of my best gals with this link... I have been following Katie's blog for years & have always been beyond fascinated with her life & calling - I cannot wait to read her book!

Brooch Wreath.

2011-07-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

As soon as I saw Miranda Lambert's wedding bouquet, I wanted one. Since our wedding was over 3 years ago, I decided to make a brooch wreath for Prater's hospital room door & then bring it home to use in her nursery.

Thanks to The DIY Showoff's step-by-step instructions , my wreath turned out lovely, if I do say so myself. I added a frame in the middle of the wreath (a frame I already had - I spray painted that sucker pink & then super glued it in the middle of the wreath). Inside the frame is one of Daddy's hankies that I had embroidered with Prater's full name; after her birth, I will have her birth information added to the hanky.

I used brooches that I had but no longer wore & picked up a few at some yard sales & thrift stores, but MOST of them came from my Great Aunt Jenny & were either ones that she has collected over the years or were my Nanny's. My little cousin, Lara, also donated two of her own to the cause. I am so thankful to have ladies in my family who invest in things that are important to me.

We displayed the finished wreath at Prater's shower this past weekend, but after much thought decided to go ahead & hang it in her nursery for safe keeping instead of using it on the hospital door. It is just too precious, delicate, & important to worry about transporting & not damaging during her delivery.

I am beyond pleased with how it turned out & hope that Prater treasures it as much as I do.

Miss Prater Ellis' Shower.

2011-07-19T08:43:00.001-07:00

I have tried to start this post 3 different times. There are NO WORDS to describe how blessed I am feeling this Tuesday morning. On Saturday, we were absolutely DRENCHED with love, blessings, gifts, & fellowship at Prater Ellis’ shower. It was hosted at Limestone Bay Trading Company in Mooresville, Alabama – the same venue as our wedding rehearsal dinner & reception. As usual, LBTC completely outdid themselves with the presentation & the food – we were so thankful to have been able to revisit the site that our marriage got its kick start for yet another huge milestone in our lives.

Our beyond amazing hostesses who made our day as special as it could have ever been: (my mother-in-love) Jenny, (my sister) Chelsea, (my mother) Dana, (my cousin) Jennifer, (my sister-in-love) Elizabeth, (Aaron’s cousin) Tracy, & (Aaron’s aunt) Sherry.

More than fifty lovely ladies joined us to celebrate Miss Prater’s impending arrival & we were absolutely BLOWN away by their generosity & love. We are so blessed to have so many friends & families who make us feel completely surrounded by love & encouragement during this new adventure of our lives.

We did a fun activity (no games, me-no-likey-party-games): all the guests wrote sweet words of wisdom, encouragement, or silly notes on these diapers for us to use during late night changes. Aaron & I really enjoyed reading over all of them on Sunday while we were putting everything away - some were SUPER sweet & some were SUPER funny. The scrapbook in the basket was made for Prater by her Aunt Elizabeth - so sweet!

This is one of the hostess gifts I passed out - I loved putting them together for our hostesses. Inside is a 'Baby Powder' Circle E Candle with a personal 'thank you' note, on the outside is oatmeal soap made in to the shape of a heart & pink birdie with a linen satchet. I bought some simple bags for gifting & glued some of my Nanny's vintage scrapbooking doilies to the outsides. I also threw a "It's A Girl" bubble gum cigar inside.

It was an as-close-to-perfect day as it could have been. As extremely happy as I was all day & as beyond blessed as I am with everyone who we share of lives with… I missed my Daddy. For me, the day was filled with the becoming-familiar void that I have felt over the past 7 & a half months. I feel like a broken record when it comes to missing him, but when someone is so immensely involved in every aspect of your life & is such a blessing to it, the void is equally consuming & an absolute curse in the aftermath. He would have been there, the only man other than Aaron, but he wouldn’t have missed it for the world. He would have had me pick out an appropriate outfit for him for the occasion. He would have sat in the back of the room & “ooohhh’d” & “aaahhh’d” with all of the women. He would have grinned his goofy ear-to-ear grin the entire time – playing host to all the of ladies in attendance while doting on me & letting Chelsea sit in his lap, rubbing her hair down the back of her head. He would have loved it. Then he would have helped us unload all of it & he would have sat in the nursery with us & gone through everything again – talking about how sweet it was for so-and-so to have picked that up for ‘our girl’. It was just the type of Daddy he was. And just the type of Pee Paw he would have been.

Thank you to all of the ladies who made our day OH-SO special. We are so blessed by each & every one of you - it was seriously one of the best days of my life, celebrating our little girl with so many ladies who love & enrich our lives.

Happy ((belated)) Fourth of July.

2011-07-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

Our Fourth of July was very different from past years' (2009, 2010), but we still had a great time spending quality time with our families & relaxing quite a bit.

Friday was Aaron's AWS (alternative work schedule, he works longer days in a two week time period to have every other Friday off) day off so we spent the whole day together running errands. The horses had their every-6-weeks pedicure appointment that morning - Chief gets his hooves cut & trimmed while Apache requires some special shoes that have to be redone every 6 weeks to keep him up & mobile. We then met with our insurance agent to discuss some additional life insurance options for us; we're trying to get all of our 'affairs' in order before Prater arrives. We're having a Will & Living Will's written as well - after going through everything with Daddy, I just want to have all of those things taken care of so there is never any need to worry with them. It isn't the most pleasant topic, but it's something that needs to be done & I'm happy to be marking them off of my pre-baby to do list.

We finished the day getting groceries & eating some catfish that Aaron caught on a fishing trip a few weekends ago - they were yummy!

On Saturday morning, Aaron went kayak fishing with his Dad. He's wanted a kayak for a while now, so I surprised him with one for Father's Day... he has been out in it every weekend since, he loves it!

While Aaron was fishing, I made these yummy treats before heading over to our family's big farm for a barbecue.
Chelsea let me drive her Jeep... it's a stick shift, I LOVE driving it - so much fun!

While we were waiting on the meat to come off of the pit Momma, Chels, & I went for a little joy ride to find the sunflower fields for a quick bump shot.

On Sunday, we rested. I was pretty sore from all of the festivities on Friday & Saturday so I spent the entire day inside washing Prater's things that I've collected so far while Aaron mowed the grass. It was nice to spend a day at home & get some things taken care of while resting.

On Monday, we made a quick trip to the farm to feed our big babies, Chief & Apache, & spent some time loving on them before heading over to Aaron's folks for some pool time & some grilled steak & shrimp. It was all very yummy!

When it started cooling off & getting dark, we headed to meet my cousins & sister at our usual spot at one of the local high schools for a free fireworks show - we've gone to the same show for the past 8 years, it never disappoints! Aaron was so excited when the ice cream truck came by where we were parked & they had his childhood favorite, Screwball - he said it reminded him of playing at his grandparents' house when he was 6 & it did not ruin his memories, it was still just as delicious!

We are so thankful to live in the good ole US of A, we feel so blessed that there are individuals who fight for our freedom to enjoy weekends like this with our families.

"All gave some and some gave all

And some stood through for the red, white and blue

And some had to fall

And if you ever think of me

Think of all your liberties and recall

Some gave all"

-Bill Ray Cyrus, Some Gave All

Hope you all had a blessed Fourth of July!

My 'To Do' Today.

2011-06-28T17:20:00.000-07:00

It stormed almost all day today. I spent yesterday afternoon running a few errands & visiting the gas company & knowing I have quite a day planned for tomorrow, I decided to not get out of my gown all day & enjoy a lazy day at home after waking up to the nastiness outside. The house is clean so I worked on laundry & the project pictured above.

When going through Daddy's things after his passing, Chelsea & I each took a tub of his clothes that meant something to each of us - shirts we had bought him, pants that reminded us of taking his shop class - I even have the pants that he wore in the operating room (& he wore as PJ's until the day he died) while I was taken via emergency c-section, pretty neat in my book.

I have a lot of his things sprinkled throughout our home; he was adamant about Chels & I not hoarding his possessions in attics or storage units to never be looked at or enjoyed. For the most part Chels & I have honored that. Most of what we do have stored away is either waiting for Chelsea to have a home of her own, myself to have a larger home, items to be sorted through by his siblings & family, or items to be taken to the high school he taught at for a wall in his memory.

Last week, I asked my Great Aunt Jenny if she would help me make a quilt with some of his shirts. I like to think of myself as an emotional realist. I am an emotional hot mess but I also know that I cannot keep everything in a box for forever. I'm also a 'rip the band aid off fast' kind-of-gal. I force myself to deal with things when I don't want to so that I can work through them & move on. Instead of running from situations - I specifically put myself in them so that I am forced to deal with them. That's what I was trying to do with the quilt. Force myself to realize that he will not be needing those shirts. That he isn't on a 7 month vacation that he'll return from & need his clothes. To convince myself that I am 'healing', that I am 'coping', 'dealing' - whatever it is that I am supposed to be doing.

Aunt Jenny cut up a calendar page into a few different sizes for me to use to cut my quilt pieces. We looked though my tub of his clothes, as soon as I opened it & smelt him, I thought I could vomit. But I forced myself... it's what I do. She picked out the pieces she thought would be best & I made mental notes of what she said I needed to do.

On Sunday night, I sat down with his first shirt. Aubie climbed up in my lap & as soon as I heard the scissors cut through fabric, I lost it. It was so definite... I couldn't believe I was cutting up his things... how could I? I cut about 12 pieces & stopped. I just ignored those pieces, the scissors, & the mangled shirt yesterday...

Today, I forced myself to finish cutting up the shirt. Every time I cut a piece, I placed it to my nose & breathed him in. Thought of the hugs we shared, at his back door in his kitchen, with him in that worn white button up with red & blue stripes. One time in particular standing out, the time he had both arms wrapped around me so tight, his face buried in my neck & him whispering, "hug me back, you never hug me back anymore". I couldn't, I would fall to pieces every time I let myself be his daughter & not his caregiver. It was a wall I built to protect myself & him from me being in a hysteric fit on the floor of his kitchen.

I kept contemplating stopping, just putting all of the shirts back in the tub, erasing everything I had done from my memory. But how could I waste that shirt... it was his shirt. And I decided that I would see if I could force myself to do more. That's when my Aunt Jenny called. She wanted to ask me how cutting my pieces was going... Seriously? I explained to her that I didn't realize it was going to be so hard & even though I know it is silly to keep a tub of his clothes in my attic, I just didn't know if I could cut up any more. She understood completely. She said if I could do just one more, we could make a small security blanket for Prater. I said I could... and I did. I finished cutting up both shirts this afternoon & I couldn't be happier with our new direction.

I feel like it's 'just enough'. Just enough 'healing', 'coping', 'dealing'.

Today, I learned a lesson about myself. I pushed myself to finish a variation of the project while also accepting that this isn't a band aid. That in this PROCESS, 'ripping it off' may or may not 'make it all better'.

And in either instance, I need to give myself a break & allow myself heal, cope, & deal whatever way I see fit.

Easy Summer Desserts.

2011-06-27T14:15:00.000-07:00

I have hit the jackpot on some easy yet yummy & impressive summer desserts lately. I find myself intrigued by easy desserts (or easy food in general) - to me, there is something special about a dessert or meal that can still be yummy & pretty without all the fluff, without all of the steps & ingredients, without all of the hassle. I am learning to embrace the easiness & I am loving it.

My favorite, by far, has been these s'more bars; I could have eaten the entire pan! I made these for a simple baby shower I hosted for a small group of my girlfriends & they were a hit!

I love traditional, campfire s'mores but I hate the mess they create! These are the perfect substitute for the summer staple. Click here for the recipe.

I made this Strawberry-Lemonade Icebox Pie for dessert this past weekend when some friends came over for a quite night of hotdogs & hamburgers. It was very sweet & somewhat tart but the hubby LOVED it.

Speaking of easiness & simplicity, I am loving our laid-back living this summer. We are doing what we want, when we want. I am choosing easier menus for both entertaining & weekly meal plans. It's as if, instead of pickles dipped in ice cream, I am a craving simplicity & a slower pace in the last stretch of my pregnancy.

Melissa mentioned something on her blog today that really hit home for me & the life I want to strive for; it really blessed my soul:

"I heard a story the other day that has stuck with me. My Pastor went and preached a wedding in a trailer house to a couple who had just gotten saved. They had been living together and once they gave their hearts to the Lord they wanted nothing more than to do right by Him, so they got married. When the wedding was over they gave him the only "payment" they had.A bag of cucumbers and tomatoes. I miss the simplicity of giving sometime. The excitement of taking what I have - as little or as much as it is - and giving it. To God. To others. To my family. To my friends. To those who need it. I over think it. I balance it in my checkbook. I consider it when payday comes. I add it up in my head and deduct it from my monthly. I set aside time to figure out when I can set aside time. I make a plan to make a plan to make a plan to give. Of myself. Or my time. Or my talents. And I forget that sometimes cucumbers and tomatoes in a brown paper bag are plenty. When given with a level of obedience and excitement. It's that simple."

Putting a Face to the Kicks.

2011-06-18T10:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a day that Aaron has awaited this entire pregnancy - Prater's 4D Ultrasound. I really didn't care, on way or the other - it would be neat if we did it but I wasn't going to be heartbroken if we didn't. Aaron was adamant about getting to see her. The suspense is killing him... plus, I think he also wanted to see the little person I am constantly complaining about making my body miserable. I love her, I really do - but I do not love pregnancy.

Here are a few of my favorites from her 'session'. The few pictures of her entire face were taken in the very last minute of the appointment; the rest of the time she either had her arms & hands covering her face or rolled in to the wall or towards my spine... she was being a little stinker. Aaron kept telling her all morning that this was an expensive appointment & we'd appreciate it if she would cooperate. She did - just on her 'timetable', as Daddy would say.

Our entourage for the appointment was my mother & sister, Aaron's mother & aunt. We were so glad that all of these special ladies made time to share this moment with us! I didn't get any pictures of Aaron's Aunt Sherry because she had to hurry back to work but we were so glad that she was able to join us - she is a very special lady! And my Great-Aunt Jenny wouldn't come with us; she kept saying "I want to be surprised when I hold her for the first time!"

My mother's FB status in the midst of the action, "Omg! This is amazing!!! Prater is just beautiful!!!"

Jenny's FB status from the night before our appointment, "Who is that crazy woman that came in and cleaned the house after working 10 hours. Oh that was me. :-) I think I'm so excited about getting a sneak peak and my granddaughter tomorrow that I just had to get it done. I sure am pooped now."

Chelsea's FB status right after our appointment, "Just got done with ms.Prater Ellis 4-D!! She is so gorgeous!! I can not wait to hold her!! She is THE MOST PERFECT baby EVER!!!"

Throughout the appointment, as features were highlighted, we would all shout out who we thought Prater favors... In some of the profile pictures, I think her nose & chin favor Daddy & Chelsea... In some of the full face shots, I think she favors me a little...

At lunch, Jenny pulled this picture of Aaron out of her wallet - I don't know, we may have some twinkies here!

After seeing Aaron's face light up, watching him study her photos over & over... I am so tickled we made time for this appointment! He was just beside himself!

Now the next 11 (+/-) weeks are going to really be torture, we all just cannot wait for her to be here!

Something to Remember.

2011-06-12T19:22:00.000-07:00

This is purely for my recollection, as my Pops would say.

A sweet friend from high school recently sent me a note after reading over some of my posts... her words pumped through my heart & my eyes & in to tears... my most favorite statement of her sugary message:

"He was the masculine version of you :) A southern gentleman in every respect."

My God, I miss him so.

Slices of History, Martha Stewart Living.

2011-05-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

While flipping through my June Living mag, I came across an article that was particularly interesting...

I became all sorts of giddy, text my 'kindred spirit' of my find, & told her to be on the lookout for the article when she was able to flip through her own issue.

I am not ashamed to admit that I feel sweetly special to own one of said 'Slices of History': watermelon potholders.

We've had her for as long as I can remember & I was once again reminded of how thankful I am that when going through Daddy's possessions after his passing, Chels & I were beyond cordial in our 'splitting up'... she swapped me with this potholder for an additional cast iron skillet.

We didn't shake on it, but it was as solid a deal as the cast iron skillet it cost me.

A'Blooming.

2011-05-25T09:28:00.000-07:00

My flowerbeds are beginning to bloom & it seems that my strategy of planting 'flowering' plants (as opposed to bushes; nothing wrong with a bush, I just wanted LOTS of color instead) has paid off in attracting the cutest of visitors... okay, so offering food in feeders seems to be helping as well.

I've slowly added flowers to my beds every year since we've lived here. None of them cost more than $10.00 a piece & most were bought in the clearance aisle. All are perennials because, for me, I hate wasting money on something that will die after one blooming season.

Last year's additions were all butterfly & hummingbird attracting flowers & I have definitely seen our population of both increase since planting them.

(My front bed looks a little bare thanks to Eli 'poisoning' some of my plants during the winter & us having to replace them - oh well, by the end of the summer that ground cover will take hold & fill in the blanks.)

I can't wait to see how much they all grow by the end of this summer. (That's another thing - I like to plant flowers that 'spread' - the yellow sundrop plant started out as one stem & one flower last summer & now has about 30 brothers & sisters in it's area! I just love it!)

Would Have Been.

2011-05-23T04:23:00.001-07:00

I woke up at 4:58 to use the restroom… something I never used to do but is now part of my normal routine thanks to a growing little girl named Prater who hates to be crowded by my bladder. I got back in to bed at 5:00 & laid there for 15 minutes, wide awake.

Today would have been his 54th birthday.

I recently found the birthday card that I gave him last year when cleaning out & organizing more of our new lives. I’m usually a ‘writer’ in cards. I tend to be sentimental & say words that pierce heartstrings – finding cards that he’s given me over the years, that must be a trait I get from him; every single one, he always took the time to be sappy & tell me exactly how he felt in that moment. He’d call me by my nickname, Pumpkin, and go on to tell me how proud of me he was, how thankful he was for me, & how happy he was to be in my life – a series I almost came to expect, to take for granted – never a simple signed name.

All I wrote in his 53rd birthday card was, “I am just so glad you are here. I love you, Daddy.”

And I just was.

It was all I could say.

This time last year we had just learned the (falsely) encouraging news that the treatment he was partaking in was working & were celebrating that along with his 53rd birthday. We hosted his family for a barbecue, my Uncle Donnie prayed a tearful prayer of thanksgiving for allowing us another year with his baby brother, & we celebrated. We celebrated that we were all together, that the doctor’s initial prognosis had been wrong & he was still alive to celebrate 3 years post diagnosis, that he was having ‘a good day’ & hadn’t been sick from treatment, that he looked like himself & was not only surviving cancer & treatment but seemed to be thriving as well.

What a difference a year makes.

Today, I am not preparing for a birthday celebration… as much as I would like to be. Today, I am preparing to go to my 25th week ultrasound appointment for a little girl who will never be able to comprehend how special she is to our families. How loved she is. I’ll get to hear Prater Ellis’ heartbeat & feel her… when I can’t him.

He is my story, she is my song.

I’ll run errands & have lunch with some dear friends, then I’ll meet my baby sister & we’ll make the drive to decorate his grave & then eat dinner together. Most likely at the same restaurant we would have eaten at tonight had he been here, Cracker Barrel.

We’ll have an okay day with a distinct void. The same void we’ve felt for the past 6 months, come this Friday. It’s our new normal… that feels anything but.

A Very Big Day.

2011-04-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

Today was a very big day: Aaron & I celebrated our third year wedding anniversary & were tickled pink when we were told that we will be welcoming a baby girl in September. Our appointment was first thing this morning & then we spent the rest of the day enjoying each other & our secret until our Gender Reveal Party tonight with our families.

After our appointment, we spent some time running around town getting things together for the party, on the menu:

Pulled Chicken BBQ Sandwiches, Red Potatoes, Corn on the Cob, Pink Cotton Candy, Pink Candies, Pink Lemonade, Pink Cake Balls, Pink Marshmallows, & Pink Bubblegum Cigars. It was so much fun throwing together such a girly display! Made me excited for bows, & lace, & ruffles!

My sister & I have been going through my Daddy's storage unit, where we moved all of his belongings in to after he passed. Thankfully, my mother saved SO MUCH of our baby items that I was able to use lots of fun things for the party & will be using lots of fun things in Prater's nursery.

We had talked with our families about having a 'Reveal Cake' that we would cut in to & the cake color would reveal the gender... a few weeks ago I decided to completely change it up & decorated one corner nook of my kitchen completely pink & as each guest walked in to the kitchen, this is what surprised them while revealing Prater's gender.

These are just a few of the sweet dresses that my mother saved of mine, I love the simple cotton ones the most & cannot wait to start washing all of mine for Prater to wear!

I love bubblegum cigars so Aaron & I picked up these while out & about today, the real cigar in front of the box was from a case that my Uncle Dickie passed out at the hospital when I was born.

Instead of buying a cake, I decided to try my hand at cake pops, using Bakerella's recipe. It was fairly easy, just time consuming - after seeing our families' reactions to them, I am so glad that I took the time to fix them - they were a little piece of heaven on earth!

The 'It's A Girl' sign amidst the cake pops was also found in my baby keepsakes, I was so happy to be able to use it!

When Aaron & I were dating, he would pick up cotton candy as a treat for me every now & then - so when I saw this sweet pink treat in the Easter aisle, I knew I had to have it. Again, the rattle - mine as a baybay.

One of my first change purses that I used to carry my 'offering' to church in...

The following pictures were everyone's reactions to the surprise decor awaiting around the kitchen's door...

And then there were lots of smiles & excitement; Miss Prater Ellis Olson is 'perfectly healthy' & we all cannot wait to meet her & spoil her rotten!

For myself, I'm sure I will never forget but, I want to note: I missed my Daddy so much today. There was definitely a void in my kitchen tonight when Aaron & I was surrounded by our families who we love more than anything in the world.

All I can think of is that he must have put in a special order for me with God, never in a million years did I think this would be my life. It's perfect, for me. Yes, there are parts that I would change, like having him here, hardships, & heartaches & some days seem downright unbearable. But then, then there are parts I wouldn't take for the world.

He loved being a manly man, a shop teacher, but he LOVED myself & my sister more than any man has ever loved two daughters, or at least that is how he made us feel. Sometimes I think that the reason he can't be here is because he wouldn't have been able to stand himself if he were here to celebrate with us. Another girl to get completely wrapped up in. I am so happy that my husband agreed to let me name her Prater, I can't think of anything more fitting.

I am blessed beyond measure.

Nursery Inspiration.

2011-04-12T16:42:00.000-07:00

I have had the hardest time trying to get a clear image of the direction that I want Prater's nursery to take. I've fallen in love with beautiful color combinations, ‘themes’, ideas, certain directions, but none have felt 'right'. All along, I have felt strongly about two things: the room not screaming 'BABY!’ (the crib will establish that easily enough) & wanting the room to 'flow' with the rest of our home. With a little encouragement from my mother & my cousin, as of today, I have decided to just tackle Prater’s nursery like I have the rest of our home. If there is an empty space, I go to my ‘décor closet’, take out a thrifted or hand-me-down accessory waiting to be used & fill it the emptiness.

(Side note: I have a cabinet in my laundry room that has priceless ‘accessories’ that don’t necessarily have a ‘home’ throughout our house but I can’t dare part with. I stow them away in my ‘décor closet’ until a spot opens up or I want to change out an accessory that I am tired of viewing. I love it; it’s like shopping in my own home. It’s just enough space to keep a nice collection put back but not enough to bother me about ‘hoarding’ useless pieces.)

I have challenged myself to use as many beloved, already owned knick knacks as I can & only buy things that I absolutely LOVE for the nursery. I am really excited about the challenge & my mind is overflowing with ideas: using an old concrete planter from my Daddy’s barnyard as a cloth diaper basket, hanging old family plates with ‘clingy’ letters on them to spell out the name ‘Prater’ above the crib, my first pony’s saddle sitting on top of mine & Aaron’s baby blankets that will be hanging on a quilt rack that belonged to Daddy… I am just beside myself!

While wasting some time last week in a little local boutique I came across my first LOVE purchase for the nursery (I fell in love with it last week & after my revelation today, trekked back to the store to purchase it). I’m obsessed with putting unique pieces in unique locations – I have both a church pew & a chicken coop in my kitchen, hello – which is precisely why Prater’s nursery will house an antique wash tub. It will be the perfect ‘toy box’ for all of mine & Aaron’s now vintage toys. I am totally smitten!

Only 14 days until we find out Prater's gender!

Spring's New Beginnings.

2011-04-06T18:27:00.000-07:00

Whew, I have been a busy bee!

I spent my first full week off spring cleaning every room of our house, one-by-one. I did some major purging for my planned yard sale this June. I just cannot stand 'stuff' sitting idly, so I feel much better to have marked that task off of my to do list. Up next, tackling Daddy's storage unit with my sister - I am sure that will be both an emotional & physical feat, but I am ready to get it over with & hopefully have his to do list behind me so I don't feel like any of his remaining business is hanging over my head.

In the midst of spring cleaning, I've spent quite a few days & nights having lunch & dinner with tons of my girlfriends - one even stopped by with her daughter for a visit last week, lots of fun! I've really been enjoying myself.

Today was the first day that I didn't have anything planned & had every intention of resting to store up some energy for this weekend's festivities; my brother-in-law's wedding. Resting lasted until about lunch time & then I stripped our bedsheets (that's what my Nanny always called the process of taking off, washing, & making up her bed) & proceeded to wash every dirty or possibly dirty clothing item in our house & cleaned our carpets, my kitchen counters... I could go on, it is a sickness really, I love to clean!

It felt so good to have everything taken care of when Aaron got home from work. Normally, we'd come home from work, eat dinner & then I'd stay home to take care of chores while Aaron would run to the farm to take care of our responsibilities there. Not today, no sir. I joined him & we had a great time out in the pretty weather. The farm scenery was almost breathtaking.

Everything is starting to turn green & the creek's have rapids thanks to all of the recent rain.

New baby calves are starting to appear from last year's breeding season; everywhere you look there is new growth & rebirth, it definitely put a smile on my face. There is a beautiful spring after an ugly winter.

Chief-man was so curious with me. He was like, 'Hey, where have you been?'

This old fart took a lot longer to warm back up to me, he had to run away a few times before giving in to my loving. And this is Manny, our miniature horse. He was my little cousin's pony until their house burned last summer; he moved in to our horses' pasture while they got settled in a rental house & such. In the meantime, he bonded with both our horses & Aaron. Then my sweet little cousin just offered him to us - we love Manny & his fiesty self, so we took him! Aaron has worked with him so much, we think he is going to be the perfect little pony for Prater, I cannot wait to break out my first pony's saddle that my Daddy bought for me when I was 1 year old! I hope that Prater loves Manny as much as I loved my Dusty.

My Kind of Thursday.

2011-03-31T15:43:00.000-07:00

Today was just one of those 'good days'. I had my monthly doppler appointment this morning - I get so anxious to hear Prater's heartbeat every month - I cannot wait until our BIG appointment next month where I get to see him or her (we will find out then) on the ultrasound screen. My mother, mother-in-law, & Great-Aunt Jenny joined me for the appointment. It was such a special moment to share with three of the women who mean the most to me; Chelsea was sadly unable to make it, she had college orientation. Everything sounded perfect, thank goodness!

After the appointment, my mother-in-law treated us to breakfast at Cracker Barrel, my own little slice of heaven-on-earth. Momma had to hurry back to work after breakfast but myself, Jenny, & Aunt Jenny decided to do a little shopping.

I am a stomach sleeper, my tummy isn't necessarily protruding yet but it is so tender. I fall asleep on my back & roll to my stomach about 5 times a nights & as soon as I land on my tummy, I wake up from the tenderness. So, I decided to pick up one of these suckers to see if it can help with my sleeping woes. I'm crossing my fingers, I've heard they work wonders!

We spent a little time browsing Babies-R-Us, oohing & aahing over all the adorableness & then headed to Target where my sweet mother-in-law gifted me with these lovelies! Oh-My-Lanta, they are comfy! I also picked myself up a pair of linen pants, I just love linen & I figure I am going to need it's 'breathing' abilities this summer. Have I mentioned how hot natured I am, I am going to be miserable!

Liz Lange® for Target® Maternity Fold-Over Panel Crop Pants - Black

Be Maternity Seamless Legging - Black

We ran a few more errands while we were out & about & then I dropped off 'The Jennies' & swung by my family's company to eat lunch & check out a few baby items that Momma has picked up here & there. While there, I was asked to do a little public relations for the business & had an absolute ball setting up a Facebook account for Local Peoples Gas Incorporated.

On the way home, I stopped by a super cute, local boutique I've been meaning to check out. I was very impressed with their inventory & tickled pink when they offered to create a registry for me as soon as we find out Prater's gender.

Now I am home & wiped out - but, what a fun day, out & about - I love days like today! I'm looking forward to sleeping in a little tomorrow, doing some more spring cleaning & organizing, cooking dinner for two friends tomorrow night, & playing some old fashioned chicken scratch dominoes.

Country Living.

2011-03-30T14:24:00.000-07:00

Shortly after a new home decor & gifts store opened in my local small town I stopped in to check out their offerings. I was super smitten with all of their items but especially their custom furniture.

I had been dreaming of new living room furniture for years & was so pleased with the quality, the options, & the fact that the pieces were made in the good ole US of A that I decided to finally take the plunge. Our hand-me-downs were such a blessing to us when we were first married & needed furniture; thankfully, we were able to once again pass those hand-me-downs along to family members who needed them.

We carefully looked over all of the customization options, thought about them for a few months while saving to pay for the suite in cash, & then made our first big furniture purchase. And we just couldn't be happier with our choices. The pieces are so well made, we hope that they become family heirloom pieces for our children & grandchildren; coveted pieces much like many of the pieces throughout the rest of our home is to Aaron & I.

The view into our living room from the hallway. We painted the walls Olympic Bread Basket & I cannot get enough of it - it is very warm & comforting, I like to refer to it as 'honey'.

Black lantern & candle within was registered for & purchased (during wedding planning) at another local, home decor store - The Myrtle Tree.

The three round end tables came from Pam's Home Furnishings - love their inventory. Aaron loves the room completely open in the middle, but I feel like it needs an ottoman. (I probably feel that way because I saw the prettiest one at Pam's & have been daydreaming about it ever since.) I think I am going to be on the lookout for one that can also double as storage.

The open, gold birdcage was my Nanny's & stacked inside (on top of the burlap lined bottom, burlap left over from our wedding) is the Bible that my Paw Paw gave my Maw Maw in 1947 (my Daddy's prized possession), the Bible my Daddy carried as a child (complete with a love note from his girlfriend-of-the-time, he was probably around 10 years old), a Bible that I gave Daddy, one of his many goatskin work gloves from fencing the farm I grew up on, & a framed, in-her-handwriting, recipe from my Nanny's kitchen.

The two chairs are my favorite, I fell in love with the fabric pattern. The picture above the chairs is the only piece of 'art' in the room. I may eventually change my mind but for now, I love that the furniture pieces are the 'art' & nothing competes with them. The picture is of a goat, a pony, & a rooster - it is one of my favorite things in my home. I picked up the old-timey-looking lamp from Marshall's & of course, those are some of my many glass jars on the bottom of the table. You can't really see it in this picture, but there is a small round candy dish beside the lamp that came from Daddy's kitchen.

As I said, the customization options were endless - there were many leg options, leg color options, distress options, fabric options, one seat cushion or many, grade of fabric, height of seat, height of back, height of arm rests - seriously, endless. Aaron chose the leg options, he loved the curves - I couldn't agree more.

Our fireplace needed a crisp coat of paint while during the update. Aaron built the 'box' that the TV is sitting on so that our digital receiver & DVD player would a place to call home. The peace lily's are two of many I have placed around my home - they all were comforting gifts during the passings of either Aaron's Grandfather, my Maw Maw, Pops, or Daddy. They came in light wicker baskets which I spray painted black to blend with the new decor. This is the only other item hanging on the wall, 'technically' in our 'entryway' (which really isn't much of an entryway as it is where the front door opens in to the living room) - my Great Aunt Jenny crocheted this for Aaron & I as a wedding gift, it is also one of our favorite things in our home. Made with loving, 83 year old hands - makes me smile every time I glance at it.

I ordered two chairs & two love seats from Country Traditions & couldn't be more pleased with the quality, the customer service, & the speedy turnaround (the pieces were at my home 6 weeks after ordering).

*All information & opinions are my own, I am not receiving any compensation, I am just a very pleased customer of all vendors listed above.*

Relay for Life, Kickball Tournament.

2011-03-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday, the Fed Up Flamingos participated in a Relay for Life Fundraiser, a kickball tournament. I mean seriously, don't we look scary?

Since everything we do has to be an 'ordeal', we decided to turn our monthly girl's night into a craft night & make our team's tee shirts... long story short, it took us approximately 6 hours to make the whole team's shirts & we were put out of the tournament in 30 minutes!

Oh well! We didn't care, we had a great time & it was for a great cause - the tournament raised more than $2000 for the American Cancer Society!

Why do all of our craft projects take longer than they should? This could have something to do with it. Lots of goofing off... isn't that what family is for though? I'm sure that it comes as no surprise to anyone who knows her, but guess who caused us to be a little late to the tournament? Her name starts with a 'C' & ends with a 'helsea'...

This is her love language, she loves to be held.

My honey was our pitcher... is his cowboy boots... eh, it's how we roll! (Get it, kickball... roll...)

My little cousin, Lara, bringing the heat.

Our ball boy/cheerleader, Jon.

He likes it when I call him Big Papa.

Jennifer took one for the team & slid in to home plate. By 'taking one for the team' I mean that she provided priceless entertainment; she was out but it boy-oh-boy, it was a hilarious show! She wanted a picture with her battle wound.

We had an absolute BALL! (Get it... kickBALL?) & can't wait for actual Relay in early May. We really enjoy participating in American Cancer Society events as a family, makes us feel involved in something that's bigger than ourselves & it's just such a great cause - hopefully helping the ACS 'sponsor more birthdays'...

Be fruitful & increase in number.

2011-03-20T10:51:00.000-07:00

Warning, the following information may be TMI, but ultimately this is my diary & I want to document this journey as much as I can.

The story of our pregnancy begins in September. Aaron had just switched jobs & we had a week’s lapse of insurance while switching between carriers. Of course, that week was supposed to be my birth control prescription refill. With life being completely out of control on every front, I hadn’t planned ahead was about to pay out-of-pocket for the magical baby blockers. While driving to Publix Aaron & I nonchalantly made the decision to not get my prescription refilled. We had been discussing it, on & off, for a while & just hadn’t made the definite decision. I had been experiencing increasingly worse headaches, felt ‘blah’ all of the time, and had gained weight; in addition to other symptoms that we wondered were a result of my long-term use of the prescription, we decided that I would stop taking them briefly to see if I felt any better while still being ‘preventative’. Children weren’t an option with our current life stressors; we had just moved Daddy in with us as his cancer worsened, we were both beginning new work situations, each considering starting a Master’s program…

On Saturday, November 27th, Daddy passed away, we had his visitation on a Monday night, & his funeral on Tuesday. The following weekend we made the decision to stop micromanaging every dang aspect of our lives & just live – we never want to put ourselves in a ‘handle’ but geez, life is way to short to constantly live by a five year plan. With one decision, our lives changed immediately.

On Wednesday, December 29th, I took my mother to our local, small town doctor for bronchitis. I had actually been experiencing some congestion & sinus infection symptoms & decided it was probably best if I get checked out too; after being off for 6 weeks following Daddy’s death I was returning to work the following Monday. Before the doctor would do anything, they checked to see if I was expecting. It was negative & I was treated for a severe sinus infection. My mom commented that I looked disappointed with the results – I was shocked when I actually was.

I returned to work on January 3rd & my first week back-in-the-saddle was a tough one, returning to the ‘real world’ after a tragedy is oh-so hard – you realize that the world continues to spin, even though yours feels like it’s been crushed.

On Friday, the 7th, we came home from work & Aaron hugged me as he left to go to the farm to check on the horses – the hug hurt… Odd, I thought. As soon as Aaron walked out the door, I casually took a home test, positive that it would be negative.

When the two lines popped up instantly, I panicked, reading the box frantically to find out what it all meant. I read the package & said out loud to the dogs, “No way.”

Being the planner that I am, I had already picked up a card & decided I would tie it around the test & slip it in to a gift bag to share the big news with Aaron when the time came. On the inside of the card I wrote Genesis 1:28, “God blessed them & said ‘Be fruitful & increase in number…’”

When he returned from the farm, he shuffled around the house – taking off his cowboy boots, playing with the dogs – while his present waited for him patiently on ‘his’ couch. He finally came in to the living room, I thought I was going to jump out of my skin, & hesitantly opened the gift. He was embarrassed that I got him something just because & I assured him that it wasn’t anything big – I just saw it & thought of him. He took the test out & just stared at it with his back turned to me. He finally turned around & said “Does this mean what I think it means?”

I said "It sure does, we're having a baby!" And we spent the rest of the night basking in our secret news, planning how to tell our families, & nervously day dreaming about our future.

A Whole New World.

2011-03-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

A lot of things have happened in the three-plus months since Daddy passed away (how in the world has it been that long - then again, it seems like ages since I've felt his touch or heard his voice). Lots of significant family changes & for once, I haven’t flipped out, I embraced it all as our new normal; what other choice do I have?

Chelsea moved in to an apartment, quit her job so that she could plan to return to school, & began substitute teaching on a regular basis. We've gotten new furniture & have basically changed every room in our home (pictures to come later, when I get everything 'settled'). As excited & as proud as I am for all of the changes that my sister has been 'working' through, the most exciting change going on in my life is the one within me - we are expecting a bundle of joy in early September.

I say ‘we’ on behalf of all of us family members who have felt like we've been run through the ringer over the past few years - deaths, cancers, stresses, house burning, etc. I feel like I am carrying this child for my families, joyous life in the wake of so much 'death'. I feel like he or she is a promise from God that life goes on after such horrible circumstances - sort of like the rainbow after the flood.

The baby isn't the only major-life-change that Aaron & I are experiencing this year. As of Thursday, I will be an unemployed member of society... & we couldn't be happier! Aaron's mother was able to stay home with him & his brother when they were little & when my mother wasn’t able to stay-at-home, I was kept by my Great Aunt Jenny along with my sister & little cousin. Both of us have always felt extremely blessed & very grateful for our 'raisings' & felt that it was an important 'tradition' to continue with our own children; making the decision years ago that if it were at all possible, one of us would 'stay home' to raise our child/children. I am so excited to have been given this opportunity.

There are TONS of reasons as to why Aaron & I want one of us to stay home & raise our children, but I believe that they can all be summed up with one story from the last day that we spent with Daddy.

Chelsea had just left to go to work & Aaron had just come home from work - I was lucky enough to have leave from work so that I could be with Daddy every minute of his remaining days. I had just brought him down the hallway in his wheelchair when Aaron walked in the backdoor, I asked for his help moving Daddy from his wheelchair to the couch & then handed him a bundle of about 7 pillows to 'stuff' around Daddy for comfort while I ran to the restroom. When I came out of the bathroom, Aaron was standing in the hall, with all of the pillows, & said, "He wants you to do it; he said you are the only person who knows how to fix them." My heart both broke in to a million pieces & swelled with joy. I only knew how to comfort him because I had been the person to fix those pillows over & over in the week prior to his passing. THAT is why I want to stay home to raise our baby; I want to be the one who knows how to comfort them because I've been the one to comfort them. I made my decision (knowing that Aaron's heart's desire as well) the moment I knew the baby existed & I haven't doubted it, not once.

Sure, I could have worked until the baby was born. But to be honest & for fear of sounding like a complete brat, I want some 'me' time before our lives are completely changed. Given our situation, I am allowed that great privilege & trust me, I pinch myself everyday to make sure that I am not dreaming - it doesn't seem fair or 'right' or real. Taking care of Daddy for the last 3+ years forced me to put most of my desires, wants, & sometimes even needs on the back burner. (Of course, I wouldn’t take anything for that time with him & I certainly wouldn't change any of it; I still claim that to serve & honor him during that time was an exceptional privilege - even though it was the hardest thing I have ever done, next to burying him.) I feel like I still haven't fully 'dealt’ with the reality of his passing, taking care of his 'business' following his passing delayed a lot of my feelings - I feel like the next 6 months are allowing me the freedom to process what I need to & be selfish.

I do need to take care of some of his remaining ‘business’, but I intend to fill most of my days with: sleeping in, going to the goat sale that my parents went to when my mother was pregnant with me, going to Dog Day & bartering for Little Golden Books, helping put out hay at the farm on a random Thursday at lunch, going to Davy Crocket State Park & wading in the creek that my family played in when my sister & I were little, spending time with my sister & my cousins, taking time to visit & care for Daddy's grave, helping my uncle with his goat herd, planning & immersing myself in creating the perfect nursery - filled with family heirlooms & meaningful treasures, cooking supper for my family, (trying to) have dinner on the table & a clean home & clean laundry when my hubby comes home from work so we can enjoy each other's company for the rest of the night, reviving my gorgeous flowerbeds from being neglected last spring & summer, systematically organizing every room of our home & having a yard sale, planning & organizing a monthly play group for all of my friends who have small children, hosting game nights, laying in bed all day to cry if I need to, visiting the farmer's market, helping with my cousin's garden, building a clothesline & hanging the majority of our clothes out to dry the majority of the time, taking day trips with my girlfriends, visiting the Amish country, organizing a scholarship in my Daddy's memory... obviously I could go on & on.

I'm not trying to overly romanticize the life that I intend to live, but I do know what I want for it to be & am going to try my hardest to make it a reality for me & my little family. And I do know that it will be what I make it & I intend to make it what I've envisioned for it to be.

When Daddy passed away I was overwhelmed with the intent of "simplifying my micromanaged life, pursuing our planned dreams with a passion, planning less & 'Seizing the Day' more, hugging tighter & for longer, laughing harder & talking sweeter, loving deeper & paying more attention, caring less about what others think & more about following my heart's desire, listening more & talking less..." I feel like these, among others, are my truest heart's desires & I am ready to focus on them, myself, & my little family for a while. And I am just beside myself to have been given the opportunity to do so.

2010 is Dead to Me. See Y'all in 2011.

2010-12-28T13:42:00.000-08:00

For those who follow my blog & do not know me in real life, the reason for my absence can be found here.

2010 has been the toughest year I have had in all 24 of my life, surely 2011 will be better. It has to be.

I will not forsake you "The Life of a Steel Magnolia" - my Daddy loved reading my posts & I will not retreat because I am hurting, as much as I want to. I pledge that to myself... & to my Daddy.

See you when I feel... different than I do now. See you in the New Year... sometime.

---

I just miss him... so, so much.

Christmas 2009. Who would have thought?

Thankful November: Day #6.

2010-11-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

Today, I am so thankful that we were able to take my Daddy to his "Happiest Place On Earth". We had a great day celebrating Auburn University's 97th Homecoming & watching Daddy light up as he remembered his time there.

Watching Nova (can you see her, top left corner) fly over the field, Wwwaaarrr Eagle, Hey!

Thankful November: Day #4 & Day #5.

2010-11-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

There are seriously not enough hours in the day - I was already in bed when I remembered my 'Thankful November Challenge' on Thursday night, I tried to post from my phone & when it didn't work - well, I was thankful that I chose to stay in bed (being spooned by my husband - I can't tell you how many times I have left the bed with a quick 'to do' when I should have stayed in his arms because seriously, can't it wait? I am learning.) & going to sleep instead of forcing myself to get up & post. I hated copping out, but I definitely did not need to get roped in to the addicting Internet world at a time that was already past my bed time.

---

And, I already knew I would fail last night, the 5th because I came home from work 'running like a dog' because everyone was waiting on me to leave & head towards Auburn, Alabama. We made plans months ago to take Daddy to his alma mater, Auburn University, for Homecoming. We booked two rooms at Mistletoe Bough & couldn't have been more pleased. Last night, I was thankful that I had stepped out of my box when we went to Memphis in the spring, took a chance on a bed & breakfast, & fell in love. I have challenged myself to try to stay at a B & B from now on when traveling - I just love it & it definitely falls in line with my belief to support small businesses when I can.

Thankful November: Day #3.

2010-11-03T20:09:00.000-07:00

On a cold & rainy day like today, I am thankful for my beautiful whitefireplace. My Pops gave Aaron & I this fireplace as a wedding gift &every time I look at it I think of him & it makes my heart flutter. Itis a stunning focal point for our living room, our home & it holds someof my most treasured items. Its warmth is so comforting & even calming.Sometimes when I think of how happy it makes me, I wonder how many otherpeople have moments of joy thanks to their fireplace/warmth because ofmy grandfather's company or even by his generous giving in general -knowing his giving was abundant and sometimes endless. My absoluteperfect weeknight consists of picking up Cracker Barrel takeout,stripping out of my office attire & slipping in to one of my Nanny'scotton nightgowns, having a full DVR, curling up underneath my Maw Maw'squilt with my husband & puppies, & turning on our fireplace, via remotecontrol.

Thankful November: Day #2.

2010-11-02T18:04:00.000-07:00

This is my Great-Aunt Jenny, my mother's aunt. To say this woman is amazing is a grave understatement. She is a unconditional giver, the glue that holds our family together. She gave birth to two sons who died shortly after each birth and her husband passed away in a very tragic car accident when they were in their early 30s. When I asked her to tell me their story a few months back, she said, through tears, that she visited his grave everyday for months after he passed - she had to convince herself everyday that it the tragedy was true, that he wasn't coming back to her.

She has basically raised everyone in our family, always giving of her time freely and with a loving touch. She cared for my Nanny when she was diagnosed with cancer and after my Nanny passed away she cared for my Pops, her brother-in-law, day in and day out until he passed 6 years later. She would do his grocery shopping, his ironing and house cleaning, and she would fix him breakfast every morning and dinner every night - she said she knew it would make Nanny happy to know he was taken care of.

I' m sure there has not been a day in her 83 years that she's exhibited one ounce of selfishness - she's just that kind of woman; the kind that are few and far between and the kind that none of us will ever hold a candle to.

We went to Cracker Barrel for dinner tonight & I looked over at her petite body, laughing and carrying on, smiling from ear to ear and carrying on a conversation with me as if I am her best friend and I could not be more thankful to have such an example of an exceptional human in my life - she is definitely one in a million!

Thankful November: Day #1.

2010-11-01T19:48:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have been so absent, there is a lot going on within my family right now. You can read more about that here, if you are interested.

I decided months ago that I wanted to use the days in November, leading up until Thanksgiving, to blog about the simple joys of life for which I am thankful. One simple thing every day that I am grateful for & can easily list without much thought or effort. It's something I have wanted to do for myself as a reminder that no matter how hard my course is right now, I am still a very blessed lady & should remember to count those blessings daily.

They are by no means in any particular order, I am just going to do the first thing that comes to mind every day. Today - I am thankful for friends. My friends are amazing, truly. They aren't the fair weathered type, they are in this through the thick and the thin. They are such an encouragement, such a comic release, thoughtful, loving, caring, helpful, they listen when I need an ear to vent to, they provide a shoulder for me to cry on - they all truly go above and beyond. They give so much depth and warmth and needed strength to my life and I am forever grateful for each and every one of them. I can only hope to be as good of a friend to them as they are to me.

And here are a few, super quick and easily accessible, pictures of some of my favorite folks.

Y'all, It's Fall.

2010-10-16T11:50:00.000-07:00

Quick Question before we start: when you look at my blog, so you see three columns or crazy-messed-up-looking? On my home computer everything looks normal, but on my work computer everything is jacked up... I'd hate for it to be jacked up for everyone else!

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Because of my intense love for all things fall, I have wanted to have mums on my porch since approximately 01 August, yep. I fought the urge & my porch has been simply fall-i-fied since the end of September.

Love this super cute house? It could be yours next Spring, we are planning to put it on the market in April or so... just sayin'.
My front door - my momma is letting me borrow the wreath (isn't that sweet of her?). It was exactly what I had in mind & wanted for this fall.

And just a little table filled with three variations of mums.

Can't have fall without pumpkins!

That's it - I know, it's super simple & understated, but right now, it is exactly what I needed to usher in the change of season.

Happy Birthday to Elijah Banx.

2010-10-12T16:26:00.000-07:00

I have been accused over & over for loving animals too much – giving them too much weight in this world or a soul that they surely do not have. 'For goodness sake, they are just animals’; I’ve been told time & time again.

Maybe so, but I will continue to love them as I always have because I don’t know how to be any different, and quite frankly, while I am in a constant challenge to better myself, this is one area of my life that I do not want to change.

Elijah Banx Prater was born on October 12, 2004 in Mississippi – I brought him home from a flea market (oh, the horror) in November. He is, without a shadow of a doubt, the most loyal dog I have ever witnessed. I truly envy the way that he loves Aaron & I unconditionally.

We hadn’t had an ‘inside’ dog since my parents separated & my mother took her dog with her when moving out. I had wanted a yorkie for as long as I could remember & as usual, had done my research & decided I was thus well informed to make the decision that I wanted one for my 18th birthday.

I saved my birthday money, coupled it with what my Pops had contributed to the ‘puppy fund’ & brought home a 2 pound bundle of joy; my Daddy suggested the name Elijah because it is his favorite Bible character & I chose Banx after a beautiful baby boy I kept in our church’s nursery.
Right from the start, he was everyone’s favorite – he was extremely easy going & well behaved – we were shocked when he didn’t act like a normal puppy. Daddy made the comment that we were meant to be together; as a six week old puppy he was acting like a grown, well trained adult dog just as he has always called me an older soul myself – my momma jokes that I have been ‘grown’ since I was 5 & told her I didn’t need her to walk me in to my first day of kindergarten.

Anyways, all of this to say – (& yes, I realize how silly this seems, but it’s my blog, so whatever…)

Eli,
I am pretty sure that you know just how special you are because I try to remind you at least once a day. I try to elaborate, in your favorite voice, that you are my favorite & what a good puppy you are & have always been. You are & will always be my first all-on-my-own baby & I thank you for the responsibility that you taught me. I love that you are our ‘enforcer’; keeping ‘the girls’ in line always & never letting them get out of hand or too rowdy without bringing them down a notch with a stern yet devoted bark or nudge. I love that you make every step that I make, constantly watching me to make sure I am okay. I love that when I am away & Aaron puts me on speaker phone – you run around the house looking for me, not resting until I walk in the back door & you run to me with a face that says “I though you’d NEVER come back!” I love that when I ask you if you want to go visit ‘PeePaw’ your face lights up & as soon as we enter Daddy’s house, you feel at home – just like I do, it’s the only other place we’ve both every known. I love the memory of my Maw Maw holding you, in Daddy’s house, right after her Alzheimer’s began to take a turn for the worse; you let her pet you over & over being oh so gentle with her – I’m convinced she would have taken you home with her had I have let her. I love the memory of Josiah chasing you around screaming “Wee Why!” & you playing with him for hours, letting him tote you all over the place & again, being oh so gentle with the toddler who adored you.

You've been through every aspect of my life over the past 6 years - bad & good. When I think of how thankful I am to have you, which is very often, it is the bad times that stand out in my mind - you have been such a comforting blessing & a therapeutic gift to me - holding you always makes me feel better, no matter the circumstances.

In closing, because your Daddy just walked through the back door from feeding the horses & I hear y'all running through the house - him asking you where your Momma is & you basically walking on your two back legs I will leave you with this - I cannot tell you enough how much I love your too-precious under bite & your Ronnie Dunn bangs, Elijah Banx.

You are Momma's baby & I love you, so good.

Splendid Saturday.

2010-10-02T18:29:00.000-07:00

I think that I have spent more money on clothes, accessories, purses, shoes, etc. this year than I have in any previous year of my 23 (almost 24, wink). And although that makes me disappointed & sad to an extent (a very small extent – essentially, I’m sad that it's not money-in-the-bank, because I believe I would save every stinking penny I make if I could - its a sickness, truly), I do have to say that I am shaping up a lovely wardrobe to show for it. Basically, upon graduating & becoming 'an adult' I have been trying to spruce up my work attire with quality pieces. I am happy to report that I have not only enjoyed treating myself, but I have also created a wardrobe that can be easily mixed & mingled, so the outfit options are almost endless - that's an awesome feeling!

Today was planned with the intent of gathering items here & there to complete outfits for a family photo session next weekend & our Christmas Card session at the end of the month, both with the fabulous Amber Ellis Photography . (Do I have to remind you how much I love, love, love her and her mad skills and our Christmas Card session from last year?)

Below is what I picked up while out & about today. I started the morning watching my little cousin, Lara, dominate the volleyball court & then met up with my sister and mother for a little retail therapy. (Aaron was hunting, don’t feel bad for him – I am a widow until sometime in the spring thanks to the deer & turkey hunting seasons.) Chels had to be a grown up & head in to work around lunch; after we split from her, Momma helped me score some yummy pieces thanks to sales at J. Crew, Banana Republic, & Gap. I rounded out the day with three accessories (no pictures included): a perfectly turquoise scarf, a darling pair of coral rosebud earrings, & a super-cheap flower hair accessory – yummy, yummy goodness.

J. Crew's Merino Cielo Ruffle Cardigan in Autumn Spice.

I do not believe there are words to express my ample love & adoration for this cardigan. It. Is. Amazing. I will be wearing it over this blouse (in a bright turquoise) from Ann Taylor for our family photo session next weekend.

J. Crew's Jackie Cardigan in Burnished Olive.

I've wanted this cardigan for a very long time, in this exact color - burnished olive, you are lovely, I adore you, & I cannot wait to display you in our Christmas Card pictures.

Gap's Shirred Camisole in Purple.
I'm not totally sure of the 'exact' color of this cami & it is only available online in black - but I love it to death, it is super flowy & I found it very figure flattering for a girl who isn't necessarily comfortable with her tummy.

Banana Republic's Cotton Cardigan in Animal Print.

This one is no longer on the Banana Republic site, but I did find the picture over at Smart & Sassy with Sprinkles. I had to have it, once I saw it was on sale - I love me a good (classy) animal print - I couldn't pass this sucker up.

Banana Republic's Silk Cascade Ruffle Shell in Sidewalk Gray.

Banana Republic's Ruffle-Front Cap Sleeve Top in Beauteous.

Banana Republic's Cascade Ruffle Shell in Soft Agate Green.

After mine & Momma’s shopping adventure, we met up with two other Pink Flamingos & introduced them to the heaven that is Anthropologie; at one point Jennifer proclaimed that she wants to live there, within the store – I mean, does anyone blame her?

Pretty much – it was a wonderful Saturday & helped lift some of the burden this past week has left on my heart. I had mixed feeling tonight about attending The Fiddler’s Convention – but decided against once I was home & in my lover’s arms – a second night in (last night we went on a dinner date, then came home & was in bed at 9:30 – it was pure splendor) & alone was just too appealing to pass up.

Looking forward to spending a lazy afternoon with Spring, her spouse, their spawn, Daddy, & Aaron tomorrow.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Making Our Dream A Reality: Part 3 - Offer Approved.

2010-10-02T17:43:00.000-07:00

Amidst a horrid week, we were contacted by numerous POC’s within our ‘land’ process & informed that our massively-low-offer was not only accepted, but that we should be prepared to close within the next 10 to 20 days.

Great news & awful news within 8 hours of each other, I'm not sure that I've ever had a more emotionally torn day in my life.

Being the glass-half-empty, its-too-good-to-be-true couple that we are, we aren’t chalking-it-up as a win just yet, but we are highly encouraged & giddy that our biggest dream just might be coming true!

There is absolutely no one I would rather be fulfilling dreams with...

Brain Spill 3.0

2010-09-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

It is time for me to, yet again, do a quick little brain spill to get a few things off my chest and then hurry to bed...

Ugh, yesterday and today haven't been the best days. We woke up yesterday to my little piglet, Charlotte, being lethargic and seizing. We took her to a great vet that did everything within his powers to save her; after pulling through the night, she passed this morning. Just another reminder that I get entirely too attached to everything and I made Aaron promise me that he wouldn't allow me get any more baby animals - my heart just can't take it. We'll see how long that lasts.

As we were pulling out of the vet's parking lot, the check engine light came on in the Hummer. I think my exact words were "... and the shoe drops." After running a diagnostic test (thank you father-in-law who has every gadget known to man), we determined that someone must have tried to steal some of my gas because the gas cap being off produced the error. We reset the error using his machine, but it has since came back on so we may have to replace the sensor - thank you, dirt bag who tried to steal my gas.

Daddy has an important meeting tomorrow with his doctor - I am taking off for an hour or so to meet him. I just have not felt comfortable with him attending this appointment by himself or with anyone other than me (Chelsea has to work). I am dreading the meeting and hope that if it isn't what I want to hear, I can compose myself enough to come back to work and finish the day... ugh, I feel sick just thinking about it.

Aaron would take off and go with us but he started his new, government job today! I am so proud of my sweet man!

We got a letter from the people we mailed 'the land' paperwork to asking for one additional piece of paper. We were able to produce it quite easily and sent it off within 2 days - hopefully we will hear more from them soon - something along the lines of "You're a-go!" would be ideal! My birthday is at the end of October and we'd love to celebrate by having a bonfire at our very own farm!

I am so stinking excited about our upcoming Christmas session with Amber Ellis Photography! We are planning on taking them at 'the land' and I already have a few ideas! I also have an idea of what I want to wear, now if only I had a personal shopper to pick everything out and up for me! I just don't know when I am going to be able to get it together, we are so swamped - seriously, we don't have a free Saturday between now and the second Saturday in November - how does this happen?

Since Daddy had some scans done earlier this month, we hasn't had chemo and has felt decent enough to do a little entertaining. Yesterday, some of his older students came out to the house for a little skeet shooting and we all had the best time catching up and enjoying the beautiful weather!

Hope you all have a blessed week! Come on weekend!

Weekend Fun!

2010-09-12T18:44:00.000-07:00

First of all, I would like to thank all of you lovely ladies for your too sweet comments on my last post. They were all SO encouraging & were JUST what I needed to hear! They definitely made me tear up & touched my heart to the core - I just love you all! I am definitely feeling lots better & am just going to take it a day at a time, isn't that what life's about anyways? All of that to say, y'all were truly inspirational in your comments, words cannot express what they meant to me! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

This weekend, I sort of through everything out the window in lieu of goofing off & it was just what the doctor ordered! Thankfully, I was able to spend a few hours cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, & grocery shopping earlier today so I feel both productive & totally relaxed after a fun, carefree weekend!

And whew, what a weekend! One of those that you want to just keep going! On Friday night, we took some city slicker friends to a bull riding event & had the best time! (My camera battery died = no pictures!) Two of us even rode the mechanical bull! Oh man, I am still sore in 'certain' areas - but it was lots of fun regardless!

Yesterday, we were invited to a friend's lake house to ride jet ski's & watch the Bama vs. Penn State game - um, yes please! (Again, dead camera battery, ridiculous!) The lake and lake house were both breath taking & we had the best time hanging out with my coworkers/friends!

Then today, the same friends came out to our farm & we did a little off roading & skeet shooting! For two beginners, they both did GREAT, killing their first skeet! I finally remembered to charge my camera battery & made up for lost time with some pictures of our fun today.

Have to run & get ready for work tomorrow, eck.

Hope you all had a great weekend & have a good week!

Definitely A Downer.

2010-09-08T15:48:00.000-07:00

"I've got something to tell ya'll...but Doo, he don't want me to say nothin'. But I can tell you... friends... cause you wouldn't be here if you didn't care about me. Things is moving too fast in my life... they always have. One day I was just a little girl, the next day I was married, and then I was having babies, and now here I am... singin' for ya'll. Patsy always told me 'Lil girl, you gotta run your own life', but my life... it's a'runnin' me." - Coal Miners Daughter

I need to blow off a little steam.

This quote explains how I feel at this very moment, every moment.

Furthermore, I keep going back to a little something I read over at Blue Eyed Bride the other day that is also describing me these days...

"How do we get ourselves to the point where we pray and pray for something i.e. fulfilling responsibilities and good friends with common interests, and then once those prayers are answered and those wonderful things land in our laps, we find ourselves struggling to balance it all? (That may be the longest sentence ever.) It’s hard to maintain close relationships with all the people you’d like. Relationships take communication and communication takes time. It’s hard to find time to take care of all of the fun things you’ve volunteered to do and things you’re getting paid to do."

This isn't necessarily my exact issue, but I can totally relate and keep rereading that paragraph for enlightenment. How can I complain about being crazy busy, feeling wore completely out, and be averaging one overwhelmed squalling fit a week when I am so blessed?

That's what's going on in my head right now.

I'm thankful, oh-so very thankful for family and friends and a good job and a loving husband and so-on-and-so-forth... but I am feeling so ran down. My body aches, I've been getting sick more and more often, I find myself easily irritated and made anxious. I've felt/I feel completely overwhelmed by obligations, expectations, and commitments - almost all that I've brought on myself. If I can't 'do it all' or feel as if I've bothered/let down/annoyed another human being at all, I've (and Aaron even brought this to my attention) been beating myself up; feeling as if I've let the world down with my inadequacies.

Who am I? This is not me, or is it? I don't know, but I don't like it & for my own sake (and for Aaron's... and really for anyone I share my life with) I have got to get a handle on this out-of-control feeling because the feeling alone is draining, much less all the running around I've been doing.

I don't feel like I've taken a breath since my Pops passed in January.

I don't even know if any of this post is making sense, but I felt as if I had to write it or I was going to explode - had to get it out, if for nothing more than an accountability statement to myself. I challenged myself with living a life fulfilled when Daddy was diagnosed - to not do things I didn't want to, to enjoy things that truly matter in this world, to not sweat the small stuff so much, to actually live and not just pass through my day planner, following the motions. Am I still meeting this challenge? I want to, but how? That's what I've got to figure out.

One thing I know I need more of is time spent alone with Aaron. We spend so much time with our friends and family and... it's not that we don't absolutely LOVE them all and the time spent with them, but if we don't watch it, we will have gone weeks without spending any quality, alone time with just one another. The importance of this time was shown to me this past Monday - as hard as it was to turn down multiple family and friend offers to spend the holiday together, we made a decision to spend the day by ourselves and we stuck to it. We rode up to Nashville and spent the day together - laughing, talking, shopping, dreaming, enjoying good food, taking our time - my oh my, it was glorious! I caught myself saying statements like, "Man, I really needed this..." and "I just love our time together, when its just you and me..." over and over again.

So, starting tonight I am going to make an effort to... do something. Slow down, enjoy more, love more, hug more, spend less, sleep more, stress less, analyze less, commit less, obligate less, expect less, kiss more...

I am going to put my phone down when it's bedtime and love up against my husband instead of reading blogs or Facebook for another hour and then regretting it when the alarm clock goes off the next morning or when I am finally 'through' and actually want to cuddle but Aaron's been asleep for an hour, the hour I was 'busy'.

I am going to start riding to the farm with Aaron in the afternoons to spend time with him and our horses instead of punishing myself by staying home to do another load of dishes and fold another load of laundry.

I am going to say 'no' to things, even if I don't want to but know I need to.

One that will be the most challenging for me, I am going to not feel obligated to answer a phone call or text message immediately upon receiving - why is this so hard for me?

To add a little happiness to this 'wah-wah-wah' post, check out the beautiful bag that my sweetie encouraged me to pick up for myself while we were in Nashville this past Monday - yummy!

Kate Spade

Making Our Dream A Reality: Part 2 - Mailed Packet.

2010-09-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

These are the faces of two very happy people! This picture was taken the night before we mailed the 'land packet' to the current owner's bank. (Photo taken right before bed, after a week of being sick and immediately following a face scrub - eek, 'hide yo kids!') In a little more than a month's time, we were able to complete all of the required 'to dos' and are now waiting to see if our offer is approved. After going over the checklist individually and then together, we crossed our fingers, said a prayer, and sealed the envelope!

Among the laundry list of requirements we have had three appraisals and one survey taken, those plus the paperwork processing fee have been the bulk of our expenses thus far.

The bank's statement said the processing could take up to 6 weeks... oddly, I am not stressing over the results. I guess I'm feeling content and confident that we've done everything we can to secure this dream and at this point, it is no longer in our hands to succeed or fail.

Here's to hoping the next update includes a closing date!

K-Dubya.

2010-08-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

The sweet teacher who hosted my Daddy's retirement party last fall/winter found quite a few pictures of him 'doing his thang' during his year's at Sparkman High School to display during the party. Chelsea and I loved seeing them - as we of course think our Daddy was (is) one handsome man with his scruffy beard and red hair. Said teacher, whom I adore, shared the pictures with me this morning and I could not be more thrilled to have them to cherish!

And this one doesn't neccessarily pertain to his career in teaching, but she was sure to throw it in for good measure. I was probably 14 years old or so here... he still makes my heart melt!

I Am Wealthy.

2010-08-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, heck, even up until 3 or so years ago, I considered wealth by things like the square footage of a house owned, number of elaborate vacations taken within a year, vehicles driven, clothes worn, big toys (boats, 4-wheelers, jet skis) bought, etc. And I wanted – no, desired – that wealth. Don’t get me wrong, in the right perspective those things are blessings that can bring great joy and fulfillment to those who work hard for them. And maybe this is just a wake-up-call-type-post for myself, to yet again remind myself to stop and count my many blessings that can’t be purchased and don’t have a price tag.

I am beyond grateful for the things that Aaron and I have been blessed to be able to enjoy; we’ve worked very hard to be successful and enjoy our ‘wants’ – a new Kate Spade purse for my upcoming birthday, a new pair of Wranglers picked up at Tractor Supply, just because. The ‘land’ situation alone makes me want to pinch myself over and over... can this really be happening? Can the biggest of our dreams really be coming true? What did we ever do to deserve for our dreams to be fulfilled, especially when others continuously get told ‘no’?

I feel like I am in constant awe lately of God’s bountiful blessings on our life together. We both have been given amazing opportunities within our careers, which definitely makes those 5 years furthering our educations worthwhile. We have amazing families who support and encourage and love unconditionally. We have friends; true and deep, love-you-like-family friends who add so much happiness and joy to our lives. We have a beautiful home that shelters us from storms, both physically and emotionally. We have hobbies that we both love separately and together, which allow us to miss and spend quality time with each other.

I mean, is life perfect? Absolutely not, whose is? My Daddy still has cancer. We are constantly missing family members who have ‘gone on to glory’. No matter how financially secure we feel, it’s never going to be ‘enough’ to not worry. Sometimes we have to say ‘no’ to our ‘wants’ to fulfill our ‘needs’. Some mornings it is really hard to get out of bed and drive an hour to work because we know the day ahead is going to be a doozie.

I guess what I am trying to say is: while driving a Hummer is such a nice luxury, while wearing clothes from Banana Republic makes me feel ritzy, while pulling in to my beautiful home’s driveway makes me feel butterflies in my stomach, while having disposable income makes me feel secure…

None of it makes me feel nearly as blessed as: an encouraging email from Aaron just to tell me how amazing he (still) thinks I am, hearing my Daddy pick up the phone saying “Hey baby girl!” every afternoon on my way home from work, my momma subscribing me to “Country Living” – just because, carrying on ‘inside jokes’ with my sister via text message, all 13 voicemails I have saved on my cell phone from various family members calling and ending each message with ‘I love you.’, my cousins (still) saying “I love you so good”, my Aunt Jenny’s hugs and words of wisdom, my mother-in-law picking up a pair of Auburn earrings for me – just because, my father-in-law telling Aaron “tell Brittany I said hi”, week night dinners with old friends and with best friends, watching Aaron work with Chief and knowing how passionate he is about that horse, hearing my dogs bark when they hear my voice in the afternoons when we come in from work, watching Apache run across his pasture, Charlotte knowing my voice when I call for her, a pantry and a refrigerator full of new groceries, being proud of the stock I come from… I could add on to this list for days.

I pray that I always take the time to understand and remember that my best blessings are those that cannot be purchased and that, as demonstrated by the incomplete list above, my cup runneth over.

Paula Deen's Honey & Goat Cheese Chicken.

2010-08-23T20:29:00.000-07:00

For dinner last night, I cooked Paula Deen's Honey and Goat Cheese Chicken and man, oh man, was it amazing! A true delight, the dish was, in my opinion, even better when reheated for lunch today at work - yum, yum! I highly recommend it!

A few changes I made to the dish as I was preparing it (to minimize the steps, I am all about consolidating): I dipped the naked chicken in a butter/honey bath before breading with the crackers and did not spray the chicken with the cooking spray (that weirds me out). Served with mashed potatoes, english peas, & Sister Shubert dinner yeast rolls. Yummy, enjoy!

Charlotte Anne.

2010-08-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

I've talked countless times on this blog about being crazy... well, this may just take the cake... look who joined our family this past weekend...

Meet Charlotte Anne - a miniature potbellied piglet. I must admit, I've wanted one for a while and have tamed my desire because of what others would think. I know, I am one of those people, the kind who care too much about others' opinion, as much as I hate to admit it. So, when I ran across this little lady and about 20 of her friends I snatched Charlotte for myself and brought my cousin a sweet little pair home for her & her family to enjoy. After some not-so-pleasant family events this weekend (said cousin's house burned down), these little babes have been the therapy the doctor ordered - we've all enjoyed them so very much! But, of course, as always, I've got bigger plans for Miss Charlotte.
When I was younger, I volunteered all the time, got such a blessing out of blessing others and have truly missed that feeling for quite some time. I've read countless articles about Therapy Animals for cancer patients, elderly people, etc. and have been intrigued ever since. Tomorrow I am contacting a local office to see about setting my little Charlotte up to be a Therapy Pig. Pigs are hypoallergenic and very clean, making them great Therapy Animals. I'm hoping that when she gets a little bigger she will easily pass the 'personality' tests to clear her for business. I'm really looking forward to the possibility of giving back to the Cancer Community and/or ministering to elderly people.

So, there you have it, my latest bright idea. I can't help it, I am a total dreamer... and a sucker for a tiny, cold snout.

Love Song.

2010-08-08T15:14:00.000-07:00

I was standing there cryin’ in the kitchen. It’s been one of those mornings that’s gonna last all day. And he comes in, wraps his arms around me. And I don’t even have to say a thing.

That’s what makes it love, That’s what makes it a love song.

He comes in, slams the door behind him. He can’t hide the worry on his face. Even though I got a million things to tell him. I know right now he just needs some space.

That’s what makes it love. That’s what makes it a love song. That’s what makes it love. That’s what makes it a love song.

Everybody always sings about it. How they’re never gonna live without it. We don’t even have to talk about it. ‘Cause we’re living it out.

That’s what makes it love. That’s what makes it a love song. That’s what makes it love. That’s what makes it a love song.

Miranda Lambert, Love Song

Horse Love.

2010-08-08T15:01:00.000-07:00

One night last week, it wasn't nearly 100+ degrees like it has been so we decided to do a little '4-healin'. We loaded 'er up and headed north to Giles County. We took this little feller with us, Eli LOVES to ride!

We rode over the 'the land' and the picture below was taken where we will build our dream house. We definitely have the 'wind-blown' look happening.
We also spent a little time with our big babies. Isn't Chief beautiful?

McLintock has turned out to be a beautiful horse and super sweet baby. I cannot wait for it to cool off so I can actually ride him!

Can you tell he is 'smiling with his eyes'?

Family-Filled.

2010-08-08T14:02:00.000-07:00

Whew, good-gracious-alive. Life is insane right now, definitely not enough hours in a day! How did I ever go to college, when did I have the time?

Where do I even start? I'm so far behind thanks to our computer being on the fritz and having to have a minor face lift yesterday.

Let's begin with last weekend, the last weekend in July - my mother, sister, and I headed to Birmingham for a shopping/concert overnight trip. We had the best time!

This is us gals before the show, it was an outside concert... outside concert + in Alabama + in July = misery, but we still had a great time and can laugh about it now. I heart her.

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This past Friday night was our usual First-Friday-of-the-Month Horse Sale/Prater Dinner. We had the best time catching up with everyone; 23 of us met at our favorite steakhouse in my Daddy's hometown for dinner! I look forward to getting together with them every month and we always have the best time - it really does wonders for my Daddy's spirit! Daddy and his nephew/my cousin, Brandon.

Me & my Paw Paw - isn't he too much? I mean, just look at those ears!
Chels likes her some Dr. Pepper.

My Daddy with his oldest brother, Donnie, and his wifey, my Aunt Jenny.

Chelsea & her birthday buddy, Paw Paw.

Chelsea & Donley, our cousin.

(Some) Prater cousins.

And the 'Cutest Family in the World' Award goes to...
Of course, we couldn't have a drama free night - when my Aunt Barbara left to drive my Paw Paw home, they noticed a flat tire... how many Prater men does it take to change a flat tire? Obviously a lot - but hey, we all had fun taking care of it together!

Daddy showing Brandon how to work the jack, which never did work.

My Paw Paw and Aaron 'supervising' the other boys.

Do you think they like each other? Maybe just a tad?

We loves him and his red hair!

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Today we got together with the Ferguson's to do a little celebrating... this little lady turns 83 tomorrow! There are no words to describe what Aunt Jenny means to our family. I want to say more, but I just can't go there tonight - I'll be in tears for the rest of the evening. Let's just say, she is a-lot-a-bit amazing!

Jennifer presenting Aunt Jenny with her birthday cake.

My Great Aunt Pauline.

My Great Aunt Annie.

The Sisters: Aunt Pauline, Aunt Jenny, Aunt Annie, and Linda.

My Momma, Uncle Dickie, and Aunt Jenny.

Myself, Aunt Jenny, Jennifer, and Lara: we missed the rest of our Pink Flamingos!

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It's been a great, family-filled weekend. Tonight, Aaron's folks are coming over for dinner. I am fixin' The Pioneer Woman's Grilled Chicken with Lemon Basil Pasta and have been looking forward to it all day!

Miss Wren Olivia - 5 Months.

2010-07-26T18:59:00.000-07:00

It had been a little while since I had gotten my Wren 'fix' & I was starting to feel withdrawls, so I emailed Kim proposing to babysit the angel while she was a Bible Study & Adam was in class. She granted my wish & we spent the evening with this little lover.

She definitely favored Aaron to me (tear) & spent most of our time together like this...
Thanks Kim, for trusting Aaron & I with your most prized possession, we love her to pieces!

Mini Project: Hair Accessories Organization

2010-07-24T14:32:00.000-07:00

While organizing my primary jewelry armoire this afternoon (I actually have two: a primary for things I wear the most and a secondary for things I don’t wear often but don’t wish to part with), I decided that instead of having my precious hair accessories stashed away in a drawer, I wanted to display them for all who enter my bathroom to see (ha).

Enter Aaron and his ability to turn an ordinary white picture frame I had stored away in my craft cabinet for a rainy day into a chicken-wire, hair accessories display frame.

I love it.